


coffee and conversations

by maybeaslytherin



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, coffee shop AU, mental health, so please be weary if that is something you don't want to read about right now, they do talk about mental health and therapy in this fic, they do talk about their own experiences with specific mental illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-07-11 15:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19930402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeaslytherin/pseuds/maybeaslytherin
Summary: Jaime begins to notice a regular customer in his coffee shop and finds himself beginning to care for her.PLEASE NOTE: the plot of this fic revolves around metnal health. UPDATE: There will be mentions/descriptions of the characters' experiences with some mental health disorders, so please don't read if that is something that could be triggering for you.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaime hadn’t meant to become so… captivated with the woman. When she first came into the shop, she was just like anyone else. Her name left his memory the moment he wrote it on the cup. Well, maybe not right away… those eyes were hard to forget, even that first day. 

But suddenly, she just became part of his routine, without him even realizing it. She only came in on Thursdays, aways between 1 and 2, though usually closer to 1. And the days she walked in at 1:30 or later, her eyes were a bit sadder, her frame slightly hunched with exhaustion. 

The first time he really took note of her was on one of those days. She came in around 1:45, looking slightly frazzled. Her hair was ruffled, as if she had run her hands through it a couple of times. She hadn’t heard him the first time he asked what she wanted. 

“Sorry, what?” She asked, snapping out of whatever thought was swirling in her mind. 

“I just asked what you’d be having,” Jaime repeated with a small, genuine smile. Her eyes were so blue… “Cinnamon latte with almond milk, as usual?” 

“Oh-“ Brienne was caught off guard, “Yes, thank you.” She seemed surprised that he’d remembered. But she was a pretty regular customer. Suddenly Jaime felt a twist of anxiety creep up, that was usual wasn’t it? He had other regulars come in and he knew their orders pretty well. Jaime took a soothing breath as he rang Brienne up. He knew he had the tendency to overreact, but he worried at the look on Brienne’s face. She seemed to be five steps ahead in her mind. A thought came to Jaime when she met his eyes one more time, did she not want to be recognized?

Apparently so, as she hadn’t come in the next week, or the week after that. It was only the next week, when she came in at 1:14 that Jaime let out a relieved sigh he didn’t know he was holding in. He knew he shouldn’t have worried, but he had to admit he was happy to see her again. 

“Hello,” he gave a warm smile. 

Brienne smiled back, “Hi,” she could see the recognition in his eyes, but continued on normally, “I’ll have a medium cinnamon latte with almond milk, please.” 

Jaime nodded, “Brienne, right?” 

Brienne nodded and took note of his name tag, “Thanks… Jaime.” 

He wanted to say more to her, get to know more than her name and her order, but by the time he got his head in order to make small talk, she had already paid and was at her usual table, hunched over a book. 

He could never see what she was reading, she always had her book flat against the table and she leaned slightly over to read it. It seemed like an uncomfortable way to read; it must have been, because every so often she would lift a hand to rub small circles on the back of her neck. It didn’t seem to be a happy read; she always looked distressed while reading, and sometimes he’d see her dab at her face with her napkin, as if on the verge of tears. 

He thought maybe this was another part of her that she wanted to keep unnoticed, like she was wary of someone judging her based on what she read. She just wanted to blend in as best as she could, drawing no additional attention. 

Jaime knew the feeling; growing up with Cersei put him in the spotlight in high school, making him the center of attention, which she loved and he loathed. When he went to college, finally away from his toxic twin, Jaime just wanted to exist under the radar; do his work, get his degree, run his business. But it didn’t just end there, and Jaime found himself isolated, completely withdrawing from most people, not wanting another Cersei in his life. 

Maybe he was overanalyzing, but Jaime saw something similar in Brienne. He knew it probably wasn’t his place to say something, or help her, but he just wanted to know more of her. 

The next time she caught Jaime’s attention, she arrived pretty late that Thursday, visibly shaken. He regarded her as he would have any day, though he desperately wanted to ask if she was ok. But he knew that wasn’t always the best thing. While it was nice to hear that someone cared, he remembered how that question made his heart drop when someone asked him, as he worried about how to respond. 

A few minutes after she got her coffee, already invested in her book, an elderly couple came into the cafe. It was an uncharacteristically busy day, and Brienne noticed, even sooner than Jaime had, that there were no other tables available. At the sound of the pair shuffling through the shop, Brienne closed her book on the page she was on and moved her things over to the bar that overlooked where the baristas made the coffee. 

The couple thanked her when they noticed her get up, and Brienne just nodded, giving a kind smile back. The bar top was smaller than the table, but she still managed to keep her book flat as she read it. She only stayed for half an hour that day, when she usually sat and read for about an hour. When Jaime noticed her gather her things, he placed a small paper bag in front of her. 

“Here,” he said, “It’s a cinnamon scone,” he added quickly, “dairy-free. I don’t know if you just like almond milk or you don’t drink dairy…. anyways, I just thought it was nice, you giving up your table for that couple, and you looked like you had a rough day, and I’m of the firm belief that pastries make everything better so….” it was at that point he realized he was rambling. 

“Oh,” Brienne was caught off guard. She reached for the bag hesitantly, “How much is it?”

“It’s on the house,” Jaime said, “call it customer appreciation day.”

Brienne looked conflicted, her cheeks growing a deep red, which Jaime found enchanting. “I-um, thanks.” Even though it was a gift, Brienne placed a few bills into the tip jar. 

Jaime shook his head and smiled, calling as she left, “See you around, Brienne.” 

Looking back, Brienne gave a half way with the paper bag in hand, and smiled back. 

… 

The next week that Jaime saw her, Brienne seemed more at ease. Her smile came easily when he greeted her, and she even said “I’ll have my usual,” which made Jaime grin. It gave Jaime a bit of confidence and he asked casually, “Whatcha reading?”

“Oh-I, um-“ Brienne stuttered. 

Jaime sensed her distress and interjected, “If it’s the book you usually read, it seems like an interesting read, maybe a bit sad? I prefer a more light-hearted book when I read. Though, I also typically prefer audiobooks.” 

There was a pause, as Jaime made her latte, but she seemed alright with the conversation, as she stayed at the bar instead of going back to her table, which was free. Her book was laying on the counter, unopened, and Jaime could see the title. He couldn’t help but read it, The Body Keeps Score. The subtitle suggested the book was about trauma. He gave an apologetic smile when he noticed her watching him and his curiousity. 

Brienne blushed as well, in response. “I suppose sometimes sad books are helpful. It’s nice to read about your feelings instead of actually feeling them for a change.” 

“I can definitely understand that,” he said genuinely. 

They didn’t say much more, but Jaime noticed that Brienne no longer hunched over her book to read it. Instead she tilted it a little bit, the covers facing him, so she could read while leaning slightly back in her seat. 

Only after about an hour did Brienne close her book, now nearly finished with it, and stand up. “Goodbye, Jaime.” 

Jaime had his hands full, but that didn’t stop him from waving back; he disregarded the cup of steamed milk in his hand as he waved, causing it to splash onto his shirt. He let out a quiet curse and turned to clean it up, but the sound of Brienne’s laughter kept ringing pleasantly in his head until he closed up the shop later that night. 

… 

After that day, Brienne continued to sit at the bar, and continued to read, though sometimes she would look up abruptly, watch Jaime for a moment, and ask him a question, usually related to coffee. 

That particular day, he had her laughing as he lectured her about the foam ratios in macchiatos and cappuccinos when a voice seemed to drain the room of all happiness. 

“Brienne the Beauty! Long time, no see.” A plain man with brown hair called out and strutted over and sat down, much too closely, next to Brienne. 

Blue eyes widened exponentially, frightened and frozen in place. Jaime was about to intervene, when Brienne’s voice whispered threateningly, “Hyle, if you don’t want to make a scene, I suggest you move away now.” 

“What? I’m just here for coffee, and can’t a man sit next to an old friend while enjoying that coffee?” He was still laughing, as though it was a game. 

Jaime, still standing there from his conversation with Brienne, suggested, “Hey, man, there are plenty of seats around the room, she doesn’t look interested.” There were more than plenty seats; today, no one else was in the shop besides the three of them. 

Brienne’s eyes swam with thanks as she looked at him, but Hyle just laughed, “This isn’t your place, man, how about you just get me a black coffee?” 

“Not if you’re sitting there. And I’m afraid you can only sit there if you are a paying customer so…. seems like you’re in a rough spot, aren’t you?” Jaime smiled as he said it, but his eyes were angry. 

Brienne was shocked at Jaime’s actions, and slightly pleased, but she knew Hyle and knew his temper. “It’s fine, Jaime, he’s not worth the problems. I’ll go.” She packed up her things without so much as a ‘goodbye’ to Hyle and she ran out of the door, sure her heart would pound out of her chest at any moment. Once outside, she steadied herself against the brick wall of the building, focused on her breathing, the sounds around her, the feel of the wind against her cheeks, anything to try and ground herself in the moment. 

“Brienne,” a soft voice came from the doorway. Brienne opened her eyes and looked over to see Jaime, extending out a paper bag towards her. 

The small gesture overwhelmed her. She let out a small laugh, unsure whether it was happy or sad or just relief at being removed from the previous situation, and she took the bag. “Thank you.” 

Jaime leaned against the wall next to her. “It’s a snickerdoodle; they’re rolled in cinnamon sugar.” 

“Cinnamon scone… snickerdoodle… is it a pattern or just coincidence?” 

Jaime grinned at her, glad to see some of the light returning to her eyes, “What can I say, my best customer seems to like cinnamon.” 

Brienne laughed and rolled her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be back inside, you know, running your shop?” 

“Eh, it can last a few minutes without me.” Jaime said, dropping the smile, “I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” 

Brienne bit her lip, tears swimming in her vision. “I’m fine,” she started, “well, I mean no, I guess I’m not, but all things considered I’m ok.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jaime asked hesitantly. 

“I don’t think I should, I mean, I hardly know you,” Brienne’s tone made it seem like she wanted to talk, but she was trying to talk herself out of it. 

“Maybe that’s true,” Jaime responded, “But that doesn’t mean I’m a good listener. And I’m more than willing to listen.” 

Brienne smiled cautiously and Jaime found his answer in her smile, “Give me one second to get that jerk out of my shop and then come in and we can talk.” 

True to his word, Hyle stormed out a minute later, not even looking back at Brienne. Jaime held the door open to her, then flipped the sign in the door over to signal the shop was closed. 

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” Brienne started, but Jaime waved his hand. 

“I could do with a break. I think we could both with a latte right now.” After he made them both cinnamon lattes with almond milk, the pair seated themselves on the couch in the back corner of the shop. 

Jaime decided to speak first, not wanting Brienne to feel overwhelmed, “I just- I feel like I see you. The way you don’t want to be noticed, how often you come in with that sad smile… I get it. I’ve been in a rough place myself the last few years; I started going to therapy during college and that helped quite a bit, but things are still… difficult, when they don’t need to be. And I- I don’t know, I feel like knowing that someone else is struggling, knowing you aren’t completely alone, that sometimes helps, you know? And I’m not trying to presume that I know what you’re going through. But, still…” Jaime rambled too much. 

Brienne smiled warmly, “I appreciate that.” She breathed in, unsure why she was so willing to share with a stranger, “Obviously you saw that book I was reading, I’ve been dealing with some… unresolved trauma, including but not limited to the man you just kicked out. Thank you, by the way,” she interrupted herself, “I’ve also been seeing a therapist. That’s actually why I come here; her office is just up the street and after my appointments I’m usually too drained to go right back to work, so I like to have a few minutes to myself to read and enjoy the best coffee there is,” she said playfully. “When you first acknowledged that I’d been here pretty regularly, I panicked a bit. This is kind of out of the way for me, nobody really knows what’s going on with me except for my boss and my best friend. So I didn’t expect for someone to acknowledge that routine, and recognize me here. I stopped coming for a bit, but I missed coming here, it’s a nice place to sit and relax.” 

Jaime placed a hand over hers and squeezed it gently, only for a moment, before releasing it again. There were enough words unspoken, enough to know that there was an understanding between the two of them, that they weren’t completely alone. Even though they were near strangers, they had each other in an odd way. He cleared his throat, uncomfortable sitting with the strong emotions in the air between them. “Admit it, you just missed seeing me every week.” He gestured to himself. 

Brienne laughed and rolled her eyes again, “You’re absolutely right, I just can’t get enough of you and your pretentious coffee talk.” 

Jaime feigned offense, “Brienne, I’m hurt. Just for that, next time you come in, I’m going to be showing you the difference between the macchiato and cappuccino; get ready for a whole lot of taste tests because you need to understand why there is a difference and why there is a correct favorite between the two.” 

“Who says I’m coming in again?” Brienne joked, knowing that she would be back next week, if not before.


	2. in my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jaime make plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so this chapter was giving me a lot of trouble. Originally it was going to be two scenes, but I've decided to split them up into two separate chapters, so this is more of a lead up to the next chapter. Thank you to everyone who left reviews and kind words on the last chapter. You're support is why I decided to continue this story. Also- if anyone would possibly be interested in beta-ing this story, please let me know! It would really help a girl out :)

Jaime didn’t realize the true extent of his feelings for Brienne until she came in a few weeks later, beaming. 

Brienne had continued coming to the shop on Thursdays as well as the occasional Saturday morning, though they had less time to talk then as that was one of his busy days. While they hadn’t yet had another heart to heart as they had after Hyle, Brienne was more open around him, answering genuinely when he asked her how she was, or sharing an interesting anecdote about her job, which he learned was copy editor for the local paper. While he wasn’t sure if they were fully friends yet, he was a part of her life, and he loved that. 

But then, that Thursday afternoon, she came in with a bright smile, her blue eyes shining. She nearly skipped over to the coffee bar, leaning slightly over the counter to greet him. 

“Hello, Jaime of Lannister Lattes!” She grinned at him, and pushed off the counter to hop back onto her seat. 

Jaime couldn’t hide his laugh watching her, “Greetings, Brienne of Westeros Times.” He noted, “You seem pretty happy.” 

Brienne shrugged, not even bothering to pull out her book- today was just a Jaime day. “I don’t know, I just had a really good session and now it’s like I have this burst of energy.” 

Jaime nodded, handing over her latte and one of the now regularly made snickerdoodles. Or, at least, he made them every Thursday and Saturday. “I’ve had days like those. When you finally get something off your chest, or you have a realization that makes everything feel 10,000 times lighter.” 

“Exactly!” Brienne agreed, biting into the cookie, “It’s like a therapy high.” 

Jaime chuckled and grabbed his own cookie from behind the bar and held it up to her in cheers, “To therapy highs.” Brienne tapped her cookie against his, laughing. 

“Just try not to crash if you can. Obviously it feels good to get things out and its such a relief, but our feelings don’t always change overnight, even if we want them to.” Jaime hoped she heard the concern in his voice. 

It seemed she did, as the smile dropped slightly, from elated to content, “Duly noted.” 

Jaime saw his chance and it seemed the words were out of his mouth before he thought them through, “Maybe you’d like to have dinner with me tonight? Or tomorrow. I just know sometimes it’s good to have someone around after a session like that, in case you do crash or you end up feeling really drained. Not to say that you don’t have anyone else, just that I would, well, be willing to be there. Gladly.” He knew he was rambling. He forced himself to stop, biting down on his bottom lip as he waited for her response. 

Jaime could see the mix of emotions flutter over her features in the moments that followed. Confusion, interest, anxiety, doubt, eagerness. “Alright,” she said finally, in a whisper. “Tomorrow, then.” 

Jaime beamed. He grabbed his phone from the counter behind him, opened it, and handed it over to her. “If you put in your number, I’ll text you my address and we can figure out a time.” 

Brienne entered her number, putting both her first and last name in for the contact- she didn’t want to presume to be the only Brienne in his life. As she was about to hand it back, she noted the bluetooth symbol in the upper corner, “Do you put on a playlist during work? The music’s always quite nice in here.” 

“Thanks,” Jaime nodded, "And yeah, I do." Usually he played acoustic classics anywhere from the 50s to the 70s, though occasionally a contemporary song would be thrown in the mix. He had one playlist he just continually added to whenever he heard a song he really liked or remembered one he used to listen to growing up. 

Brienne hesitated in handing him back his phone, a grin pulling at the corners of her mouth, “Can I play on a song?”

With her smile, he doubted he could deny her anything. “Oh, go on.” He tilted the phone in her hand, so he could see the screen, and pulled up his music. His hand hesitated against hers, his thumb sliding across her fingers as he let go. 

Brienne let out a happy sigh and eagerly began typing, knowing exactly what she wanted to play. In a moment, the current song shut off, and her song began. Jaime listened for a moment, straining a bit to hear it clearly above the conversations going on around them. 

He recognized it within the first few seconds, “In My Life,” He nodded approvingly, humming quietly with the opening lines. 

Brienne smiled back at him. She didn’t say anything, instead simply listening. Her eyes fluttered close for a moment, and all of the worry she seemed to hold in her face melted away. Jaime couldn’t look away from her. But the song ended all too quickly, and she opened her eyes, blushing slightly as she noticed him watching her. 

“My dad used to play this song all the time growing up. He said it was my mum’s favorite song. Said she used to sing it while she was pregnant with me.” Her eyes were shiny, but she seemed happier than she was sad. There was a lot that went unsaid, but Jaime didn't feel like it was his place to ask, at least not right now. 

She handed him back his phone, which was still on the counter between them. “Thanks,” he said, “I’ll definitely add this one to the mix. I have a few other Beatles songs on here, but you can never have too many.” 

Her beaming smile came back and she spent the rest of her time there quizzing him on different coffee facts she had pulled up on her phone. They’d have to pause whenever a customer came in, and eventually the line was starting to get too long for them to hold a conversation. 

“Jaime,” she called over when he was between customers, “I gotta run.” 

“Sorry, one moment,” he said to the next person in line and walked over to where Brienne was standing up, “I’ll text you later on tonight and we can set something up for tomorrow?” He worried that she had changed her mind. 

But, Brienne smiled, her eyes ilghting up, “See you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I went back and forth so much with the song Brienne picks. For a solid hour. Way too much thought went into it, but I really do love that song. 
> 
> On another note, for the next chapter, I'm planning for it to be their date at Jaime's place and I have a more intense conversation planned for that. I'm hoping to upload it soon, in the next few days, but it's just been a bit hard to write. I ended up having three hours of counselling on Tuesday that left me pretty drained, but like in a good way- let's just say Brienne's 'therapy high' is something I was experiencing, but I couldn't really turn that into productive energy. (Also hopefully that 'therapy high' thing made sense, I don't really know if that's just me or not) But the good news is that I have a lot of material for the upcoming conversation between them. Again, please let me know if you would be interested in beta-ing this story. Specifically with such an important topic (for me at least) I want to be able to develop the plot in the best way possible.


	3. dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a text conversation, a movie night turned wardrobe deep dive, and dinner that may be a date (?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!!! A big thank you to my wonderful beta Braimelives!

Jaime: do you like pasta?

Brienne: Jaime?

Jaime: no, the other guy who is cooking dinner for you tomorrow. 

Brienne: Ah, hey Tormund! 

Jaime: …

Jaime: ok, but you’re joking right?

Brienne: Yes, dumbass, of course I’m joking. 

Jaime: … no snickerdoodles, I guess. 

Brienne: I mean dumbass in the most affectionate way, of course. 

Jaime: if you say so, Brinny. how does 7 sound? 

Brienne: Yeah, Tormund and I should be done by then. 

Brienne: Kidding, of course, 7 sounds great. :) 

Brienne wondered if she had pushed the joke too far, but Jaime sent back his address in return, so she didn’t let herself worry… to much. He still wanted to see her. Sure, not in that sense- obviously a man like Jaime wouldn’t be interested in her in that sense. But they were becoming good friends. And it had started to feel weird only interacting while he was working. 

Now that the plan was made, though, she couldn’t help but feel that flicker of hope rising. She wanted to shut it down, knowing where that feeling had left her in the past, but she couldn’t stop it. To distract herself from the “what ifs” that started to circle in her mind, she decided to try to make last minute plans with one of her friends. 

She immediately thought of Sansa, her best friend, and the only other person who knew what she was dealing with. She then thought better of it, knowing Sansa would question her about Jaime; Brienne couldn’t help but mention him after that day with Hyle, and since then Sansa has mentioned him any time they met up. 

Then, there were her college friends. Caster was always fun to be around, but she hadn’t seen him for a while, and even though he may not know about Jaime, he always had a way of getting things out of her, like he already knew them. Margaery, though… she could work. Conversations with her were always light-hearted and Brienne could ask her what to wear for tomorrow, which wouldn’t seem to weird given that Margaery insisted on styling her as often as possible throughout their years as roommates. While Brienne had little hope, given Margaery’s very full social calendar, Brienne decided to take a shot. 

Brienne: Hey Margaery! Are you busy tonight?

Margaery: Brie!! No, Robb is working late tonight so we had to cancel our plans. Want to hang out?

Brienne: Movie night? I can order takeout from that Thai place down the street that you like so much. 

Margaery: I’m DOWN. Be there in 30 min. 

Brienne sighed in relief, knowing she wouldn’t be alone to overthink things. While she was still feeling the “therapy high” as she dubbed it with Jaime, she could feel the anxiety over tomorrow night looming over her. 

Sure enough, Margaery knocked on the door 30 minutes later, just after the Thai food was delivered.  
Margaery greeted Brienne with a squeal and a tight hug. 

“It’s been too long since we’ve had movie night.” 

“I know,” Brienne answered, “I was thinking When Harry Met Sally. It’s one of your favorites, right?” 

Margaery’s eyes narrowed, “It is. But you hate romantic comedies. Either you want something or your love life has gotten it’s much needed improvement.” 

Brienne rolled her eyes, trying to make it seem sincere, “Obviously not that.” She didn’t want to tell Margaery about Jaime, which would only get her hopes up further- Margaery was like the world’s best hype woman. “I do need your help though. I have an important… meeting tomorrow. I’m meeting with an important advertiser over lunch and I just want it to go well.” It was true, but certainly not something she would normally worry about regarding clothing. Luckily, Margaery didn’t have that same sentiment. 

“Of course! I’m glad you asked me.” Margaery looked over Brienne, making her very conscious of her body. She knew what she looked like and had finally come to terms with it. Mostly. While Brienne thought she had developed a decent sense of style over the years, Margaery always seemed to know how to highlight her best features- which Brienne usually didn’t see, but Margaery seemed confident. 

Not even bothering with the movie, the two brought their food and sat on the floor of Brienne’s closet to begin discussing outfits. It was a very long process when Margaery helped her; she usually ended up sorting out Brienne’s closet from best to worst, and would even plan out future outfits for her. At least, that’s how it usually worked in college. And tonight was no different

Brienne picked at her spring roll as Margaery flipped through her shirts, muttering “yes” or “no” as she did so. 

“Oh, yes!” Margaery shrieked, clearly having found something that piqued her interest. Brienne nearly dropped her spring roll and her head snapped up. 

…

The next evening, Brienne was standing at Jaime’s door wearing the outfit Margaery had picked out for her; a pale blue blouse with lace detailing at the neckline and around the sleeves, and simple black trousers. Unfortunately Margaery also insisted she wear a pair of heels. Brienne knocked on the door of his townhouse, sucking in a breath. 

The door opened and Jaime appeared, wearing a deep green sweater over a collared shirt, jeans, and a dish towel flung over his shoulder. 

“Hey,” He smiled widely at her, and she couldn’t help the grin that spread in response, “Come in, dinner’s almost ready. 

He led her through his living room, to the kitchen. Everything was simply decorated, though clearly high quality. Brienne also noticed the absence of pictures displayed. Her flat, small as it was, was decorated with various photos of her and Sansa, her friends from college, even of her and her little cousin, Podrick, who she frequently babysat. 

As Jaime stirred the sauce and waited for the pasta to boil, they chatted as they did at the coffee shop. After discovering a shared interest in history (he’d majored in it in university), it was a common point of discussion for them. They started a particularly heated debate regarding medieval politics that lasted through dinner and well into dessert, which was, of course, snickerdoodles. 

Still sitting at the table long after the cookies were finished, Jaime suggested they move over to the living room. As Jaime made them both lattes, Brienne went over to the living room, sitting down at the end of the large couch. It was a dark blue fabric, and faced a small tv, and a fireplace, with a dark mahogany coffee table in between. 

While the walls had no photos, there were a few paintings, most of which were abstract pieces set in the color of the room- blue, green, white. The far wall had a large window and shelves lined with CDs, DVDs, vinyls, books. Everything was very clean, and in its right place. Brienne wondered if it always looked like this, or if he cleaned it up because she was coming over. 

Jaime came in, carrying two mugs in his hands. He handed one to her, then sat down next to her, leaving only a bit of space between them. He filled that space quickly, bringing one of his legs up, crossing his foot on his other knee, as he turned to face her. 

“How are you doing? Come down from that ‘therapy high’ yet?” He asked seriously, changing the tone of their conversation from light to heavy. Not that she mind, she never minded talking to him. 

Brienne answered honestly, “Still doing pretty well. I haven’t really spent a ton of time processing everything, I suppose.” She explained, “One of my friends came over for a movie night last night.” 

“Tormund?” Jaime asked, smiling. 

“No,” Brienne laughed, “Margaery, my college roommate.”

“Ah,” Jaime replied with a chuckle that made Brienne’s heart skip a beat. “Are you two still close?” 

“Yeah,” Brienne shrugged, “I mean, we were never that close, I suppose. Like, we don’t talk about things the way Sansa and I do, or you and I do,” Brienne blushed, “But, she’s sweet and kind and she absolutely loves to help me with anything to do with style.” 

Jaime’s eyes roamed over her body quickly, and Brienne’s blush only deepened, “Did she pick out that outfit?”

“Yes,” Brienne admitted, though she wished she hadn’t said anything, wished she seemed like a normal woman who could handle dressing herself for a date- or, whatever this was. 

“It looks good,” Jaime said. Before Brienne could dissect his tone, he continued, “I didn’t have a roommate in college, but it was probably for the best.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Well,” Jaime started, “Growing up, my family was, um, controlling, to say the least. So it was good to be away from that, be my own person for once.” Seeing the warm, open look in Brienne’s eyes, Jaime continued, “My dad was very strict with us, our family name is... important, in some circles, and so we always had to be hyper aware of how we acted, how we dressed, and who we associated with. My brother, he ended up changing his name, to get away from it all. And I dragged the Lannister name into the coffee business, so we both rebelled somehow, I suppose.”

“That sounds dreadful,” Brienne said. She bit her lip, not wanting to pose an uncomfortable question. “And your mom?” 

“She passed away when I was really young.” Jaime said, his eyes downcast. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Brienne covered his free hand with hers, “I’m sorry. I lost my mother, too. I never knew her, really.”

Jaime nodded, flipping his hand in hers so their palms faced, and he squeezed hers lightly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Thanks,” Brienne said, “My dad’s always been good, though. He didn’t always know what he was doing, but he tried his best. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been, growing up without that support from your father.” 

Jaime’s face tensed a bit, “Yeah, it took a long time, years of therapy. Starting in college, I guess. When I was younger, I tried to do everything right by him, be everything that he wanted me to be. I think I just wanted his approval, because that was the closest thing to affection we could get from him. It was-” Jaime paused. 

“Exhausting?” Brienne asked. 

Nodding, Jaime continued, “Eventually I realized that he was never going to be the parent that I needed or wanted, and that I had to live my life for me, and not wait for the approval that might never come. I needed to be able to do something for me and not worry about the consequences of his disapproval.” 

“And were you able to do that, do things for you?” Brienne asked, her eyes misty with tears. 

“Yeah,” Jaime looked down at the coffee in his hands, “It wasn’t easy, believe me. It started with me majoring in history, where he wanted me to major in business. I felt pressured to go to law school, but eventually I left, worked some odd jobs, then opened the coffee shop.” 

“And you like it there?” Brienne asked. 

Jaime squeezed her hand in his, and it was only then that Brienne realized they were still holding hands, “It definitely has its perks.” The way his eyes met hers, it made her feel like meeting her was the best part of his job. 

Brienne took a sip of her coffee, disrupting the eye contact that had gone on quite long. When she looked back at him, it was like seeing Jaime from a whole new perspective. He was kind and smart and funny and he was willing to be vulnerable with her and he was- so out of her league. She finally admitted the feelings that had been creeping up since that first time he said her name, and she knew they could never be reciprocated. A man like Jaime would never look at her like that. 

She could feel herself spiraling, and it was as if Jaime could feel it, too. He placed a stabilizing hand on her arm, “You good?” He asked, his voice rich with concern. 

The concern of one friend for another, Brienne reminded herself. She thought back through how they got here; it was always him looking out for her, as a friend. Wanting to spend time with her, as a friend. As much as it pained her, she would accept that she would only ever be his friend. 

Brienne nodded, pushing those feelings back, “I’m fine,” she allowed herself to place her hand on top of the one that rested on her arm. “Just glad that we’re friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to continue this story, I'm so grateful that you all liked it enough to convince me to continue it. I have some bit things coming in later chapters :) I really wanted to focus on Jaime this chapter, but we'll be getting back to Brienne soon. Please let me know what you think, if Jaime's story is something you want to hear within this story, if you want more of a focus on Brienne, etc. 
> 
> Oh and as for Cersei... I didn't mention her in this chapter, but I'm not sure if I want to include her. Her manipulation of Jaime in their childhood would have obviously had a large effect on him, but I can imagine it would take him longer to open up about that (but it's not going to involve any sort of romantic relationship between them, just Cersei being Cersei) Let me know your thoughts?


	4. you matter to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne isn't willing to open up, until it's Jaime who's asking the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all like this chapter. It does get more descriptive of Brienne's past experiences and her mental health, so I just wanted to put that as a disclaimer in case you feel that could be triggering for you. 
> 
> I always worry with a fic like this, but I truly appreciate all of the comments about how helpful it is to see these two characters work through their issues together in a healthy way. 
> 
> Thank you to my Beta Braimelives :)

Jaime: do you want me to bring anything tomorrow?

Brienne: my turn to cook, remember?

Brienne: though anything cinnamon never hurts ;) 

Jaime: on it, Brin 

“Why so smiley today, Tarth?” Tyrion asked her curiously. He reached playfully for her phone, though she snapped her hand back quick enough. 

“None of your business, Caster.” Brienne gave a pointed look, though the smile remained. “You’d think after all these years we’d be able to call each other by our actual names.” 

Tyrion swatted the air, dismissing the thought, “Please, I’m just happy you’re starting to seem like the oldTarth again. Every time we’ve talked in the past year you’ve been so distant. Reminds me of my brother.” 

Brienne knew not to follow up with any questions about his brother; Tyrion had barely mentioned him throughout all of college, so she assumed there must have been some sort of falling out. Instead, she shrugged, trying to avoid the subject of the past year. 

While her memory of the past year was vague, at best, Brienne knew what it must have seemed like to outsiders, particularly her friends. Sure, she was going to work, going to obligatory events like Pod’s birthday party or Margaery’s annual party, but she was never really there. Sometimes it felt like things that happened before she fell into that hole happened more recently, and everything since was just a blur, a blindspot in her vision. She remembered the feelings- emptiness, frustration- and she remembered going to work and the main things she did, but looking back, everything just blended into one big mess. 

Noting her faraway look, Tyrion prodded, “What’s changed, then?” 

Brienne snapped back to their conversation, grounding herself in the present. She looked at Tyrion, “Nothing really.” She felt her phone vibrate and tried not to be too eager in looking at it. It turned out just to be Sansa, asking if she was still out with Tyrion. 

Brienne clicked her phone off and looked up. There must have been a hint of disappointment in her eyes as Tyrion said, “Not the person you were expecting?” His eyes widened, “Wait- does Brienne Tarth have a boyfriend? Do tell.” 

“Please,” Brienne scoffed, “You know very well that dating is not my thing.” 

Doubtful, Tyrion responded, “That doesn’t mean you didn’t meet someone.” 

“Even if I did meet someone… of the opposite gender… who I happened to be making plans with- we’re just friends. And that’s all I will ever allow it to be, so can we change the topic.” 

“Oh please, as if I’d let you off the hook that easily,” Tyrion leaned forward slightly, resting a hand on the table between them, “Do you not like him, is that it?” 

Brienne sputtered out, “It’s not like that- it’s just- dating- It’s just completely out of the question.” 

“So you think he doesn’t like you?” Tyrion questioned, emphasizing the ‘you’.

“I know he doesn’t. And nor should he. We’re friends.” 

Tyrion smiled sadly at her, “You’re so hard on yourself, Tarth. You’re very likable, and anyone would be lucky to be with you. Don’t let little boys like Hyle Hunt make you think otherwise.” 

She wished she could believe him, but she knew better. Tyrion didn’t. He only knew bits and pieces about Hyle. He only knew that Hyle had pretended to like her for a bet. He didn’t know how long the ‘joke’ had gone on, or how Hyle’s entire fraternity was in on the bet. And he didn’t know about Ron. 

Reaching over to pat her hand, Tyrion said seriously, “You can talk to me, Tarth, you know that right? I know that you don’t talk about things like what had happened with Hyle, but you can talk to me about them. Or anything really. Like this new guy.” He smiled, lightening the tone, “Maybe Sansa and I need to team up, give you a confidence overhaul.” 

Brienne rolled her eyes, muttering, “I’m sure she’d love that.” She appreciated Tyrion, but she knew before the words came out of his mouth that she wouldn’t confide in him. Not that she didn’t trust him- she did. But, talking about those things, the things that put her in that hole a year ago, those were things she clutched very close, and she knew that breaking down those barriers that she had built up would not be easy. 

Maybe that’s why it was so much easier with Jaime. He came into the picture after those barriers were put in place, and there were no specific walls up against him- instead, it was like he had his own key. Add on top of that, she usually saw him after counseling, during which her therapist helped her to break down those barriers. It was like he didn’t even need the key- she was just willing to let him in. 

…

As soon as she left Tyrion, Brienne headed over to Sansa’s at her request. Sansa had fancied Tyrion since Brienne introduced them at Margaery’s last party. Apparently the two were both fluent in the same type of witty banter. While Sansa was engaged when they had met, thankfully that engagement had since ended, and she was determined to find the right time to approach Tyrion again. 

“So, how was lunch?” Sansa asked, plopping down on the couch next to Brienne. 

Brienne shrugged, “It was good,” she sighed, “Tyrion was just his usual concerned, questioning self.” 

“That’s bad?” Sansa asked, with no real questioning tone. 

Brienne gave a look, “You know what I mean. He picked up that I have sort of been seeing someone in a just-friends way and started hinting like you always do. It’s just that-“

“He doesn’t know what I know.” Sansa finished for her, “Why is it that no one else knows about Hyle or Ron? Hell, even I don’t know the full story about what happened with Ron, given the state he left you in. But, you know what I mean.” 

Brienne leaned her head against Sansa’s shoulder uncharacteristically- usually it was the other way around. “It’s hard for me to talk to people. You’re not just people. You’re family to me and you know what its like to deal with things- I was there throughout Ramsay, and you were there for me throughout Ron. You don’t just go through those things together and not trust each other.” 

“And you trust Jaime?” Sansa asked curiously, resting her head on top of Brienne’s. 

“Yes. I don’t know why, but yes.” Brienne answered, “Maybe it’s wrong to trust someone so fast.” She’d thought about that a lot in the past few weeks. Since their dinner, Brienne and Jaime talked a lot about their mothers- what Jaime remembered about his, what Brienne had been told about hers. Sure, there were subjects they both skirted around- Jaime with his family and Brienne with her past relationships- but it was never because there wasn’t trust there, rather they both just weren’t ready to talk about those things. Brienne knew that she was a cautious person, and that her trust in Jaime wasn’t naive, but instinctual. 

“No,” Sansa cut that thought off, “It’s good that you’re open with him. Really good. I just don’t understand.” 

Brienne shrugged a little, bobbing their heads slightly, “I don’t either really.”

Sansa contemplated, “Maybe it doesn’t have to make sense. Sometimes people just fit.” 

Brienne knew that she and Sansa fit from the moment they met. Maybe it was the same with Jaime, she just didn’t realize it until he walked out of the shop to find her when Hyle drove her away. She wondered if that’s how Sansa felt about Tyrion- like he just fit into her life. It was a new feeling to Brienne. As scary as it was, it was also quite nice. 

…

Though their first dinner had lasted quite long, this one seemed to go even longer, not that Brienne minded. Jaime was fascinated by every photo Brienne had hanging up, and insisted on knowing the stories behind his favorite ones. 

She told him about the crafting disaster that led to the photo of her and Pod with what looked like an entire bottle of glitter dumped on her hair. And Brienne told him about the MANY drinks that resulted in the photo of her, Sansa, and Margaery on stage at a karaoke bar. She was about to explain one of her favorite photos that he hadn’t pointed out yet- one of her and Tyrion dressed in bright, matching outfits that Margaery had designed for them in one of her classes- when he pointed to a photo across the room, on the top shelf of her bookshelf. 

“What’s this one?” Brienne could have figured out which photo he was talking about just by his tone. She walked over to him, their shoulders brushing, as they both looked at the photo. It was of her and Sansa, taken a couple of months prior, right after Sansa convinced her to start seeing a therapist. 

Brienne had looked her worst in that picture. At that point she was barely eating, barely taking care of herself. But it was her birthday, and Sansa had insisted on showing Brienne how much she meant to her, and how worried she was. Sansa came over before her other friends had planned to, and the two had a heart to heart, that left both of them puffy-eyed from crying. Regardless, Brienne had felt much better after that, and when Margaery arrived and found a genuinely smiling Brienne, she snapped a photo of the pair. 

Brienne told all of this to Jaime, explaining, “Looking back, in all of the other photos I have from that year, I look so empty. But this one, it gives me hope.” 

“What happened that year?” Jaime finally asked, concerned. Brienne knew where the conversation was going, but she didn’t mind. She felt safe telling him. She gestured towards the couch and the two sat down. 

“Well,” Brienne started, “um, a colleague decided to set me up on a blind date with a man named Ron. It was my first date since college, well, since Hyle actually, the guy who came into the shop that one day. Anyways I was nervous and so I didn’t say much that first date, and he didn’t really seem interested.” Brienne paused, “But, we had exchanged numbers afterwards and he started texting me a lot, leading me on.” 

Brienne’s blush grew deeper, but it wasn’t the pleasant kind that arose whenever Jaime said something nice about her, “He’d tell me that maybe we should give it, us, a try, and he’d invite me over. He-“ Brienne’s words caught in her throat, “He always took things too far physically, pushed me where I wasn’t necessarily comfortable. But, I didn’t know any better. And sometimes he’d make comments to remind me that I didn’t really have many options.” 

“Brie…” Jaime said sadly, covering her hand with his. 

Brienne shook her head, “It’s fine. I mean, it’s not, but it’s over now. See, he would do that, lead me on, invite me over, then just stop all communication. Until he was bored again, I guess. Then one day I ran into him and this- this beautiful, blonde woman. I didn’t want to confront him, but suddenly I was right there, looking between them, and asking what was going on.” 

Taking a shaky breath, Brienne continued, “He laughed, asking if I really expected him to ever take me seriously. He dismissed all that had happened between us, all that he took from me, and the woman- she just laughed, smiled at me like I was this thing that was below her. When I turned and walked away, she said ‘I can’t believe you wasted any time at all on that cow,’ clearly loud enough for me to hear.” 

A tear had escaped without her knowledge, and Jaime brushed it from her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Brienne. That wasn’t fair to you.” 

Brienne shrugged, “For the longest time, I thought it was. I really believed that was all I would ever get in life, all I deserved- to be someone’s back up, a secret they were ashamed of. That’s when I started to go downhill.” 

Jaime moved towards her, wrapping her in a hug. Brienne didn’t know what to do, at first- only Sansa and Margaery were ever this affectionate with her. She was sure Jaime could feel her heart beating through her shirt, but she allowed herself to wrap her arms around his, very delicately, so he could remove himself whenever he wanted to. 

They stayed like that for a while, Jaime smoothing circles into her back, Brienne’s hold on him slowly getting stronger as each minute passed and he didn’t let go. 

Eventually, Jaime moved back slightly, and looked into her eyes. “Your eyes are so beautiful, so blue. And so sad.” He brushed her cheek again, though no tears had fallen, “I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes.” 

Brienne looked up at him, taken aback by his words. 

He continued, “I have to admit, those aren’t my words, but they seemed fitting. They’re from a musical W-“ 

“Waitress,” it clicked in Brienne’s mind. 

It was Jaime’s turn to be surprised, “You like musicals?” 

Smiling slightly, Brienne admitted, “I can’t say I personally seek them out, but one of my friends, Renly, will occasionally drag me to see them with him. Waitress was by far my favorite, aside from Les Miserables of course.” 

“Of course,” Jaime echoed, smiling. He tilted his head slightly and leaned his forehead against hers, half-muttering, half-singing, “You matter to me.” 

Brienne finished in a whisper, “simple and plain, and not much to ask from somebody. You matter to me, I promise you do. You matter, too.” It was the only musical that she listened to enough to know the words to the songs. 

They stood there for a while, the song running through both of their minds. 

I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight.   
They don’t pull away, they don’t look at your face, and they don’t try to kiss you.   
All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness to it. 

Jaime broke the silence first, “Time for dessert? I brought cinnamon rolls.” 

Brienne was reluctant to move away from him, but she nodded anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the lyrics in this chapter are from "You Matter to Me" from Waitress. It's a really great song, I would highly recommend you check it out, as well as the musical as a whole. But that specific song really just fits these characters. 
> 
> The next chapter will revolve more around Jaime. Thank you for all of your feedback so far on this story. It really means so much to me!


	5. hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family member shows up and Jaime has to deal with the memory of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry this chapter is a bit late, I just started college classes this past week and its just taking some time to get into the swing of things but I will continue to try to update as regularly as possible! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: please note that this chapter includes mentions and moderately detailed descriptions of body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs) including trichotillomania and dermatillomania (excoriation/skin-picking disorder). 
> 
> With that said, thank you to my lovely Beta, Braimelives. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Brienne was leaning on the table, her head resting on the palm of her hand as she scrolled through Jaime’s playlist, queueing up her favorites, when she felt the shift in the air. She couldn’t exactly put her finger on it at first, but when she looked up, Jaime had gone completely rigid, his shoulders tensed, and his hands clutched at the cup he was holding. Brienne followed his gaze to the figure standing in the doorway. 

The woman was ridiculously beautiful. She was tall, though not nearly Brienne’s height, and thin, with honey-blonde hair that curled down her back, halfway down to her waist. She wore a black tailored pantsuit with a white blouse underneath, completing the look with high black heels. Looking at her, Brienne was filled with a nervous dread; if this was the kind of woman Jaime spent time with, surely she had no chance.

But then Brienne looked back to Jaime, and it was clear from his body language that he knew this woman and, beautiful or not, had no interest in seeing her right now. While it may not have been her place to interfere while he was at work, Brienne slid down the bar, a bit closer to Jaime, to reach over and place a hand on his arm. She would stand by him the way he stood by her. 

The woman looked at Brienne as she moved, and her eyes narrowed as she took in Brienne. With the gaze broken, Jaime looked at Brienne, then back at the woman. He half-whispered, “Cersei, what are you doing here?” 

The woman, Cersei, smiled at Jaime, and walked over, setting her purse on the chair next to Brienne and stood behind it, “Hello, brother. It’s been a while.” Recognition sparked in Brienne at the sound of her voice. How could she forget that voice. 

“Yes,” Jaime said in a tone that implied that that had been the intention. 

Cersei turned to Brienne, her smile condescending, “And who is this?” She eyed Jaime’s phone, still in Brienne’s hand. 

“I’m-“ Brienne started, afraid her voice would shake. 

At her hesitation, Jaime answered for her, “This is Brienne, she’s a close friend of mine.” 

“How…” Cersei turned away from Brienne, clearly not recognizing her either, “unprofessional. Do you always allow your friends to bother you while you’re working?” she emphasized the word friend with a hint of disgust in her tone. 

“Actually it’s usually the other way around,” Jaime looked at Brienne, trying to smile. Brienne cracked a smile as well. Sometimes if they were deep in a conversation, Brienne would have to draw his attention to the customer scanning the menu. 

“You’re getting better,” Brienne let out a cautious laugh, using the opportunity to again reach over and pat his arm. She squeezed it lightly, giving him some much needed reassurance. Then, she turned back to Cersei, this time finding the confidence to match her glare. 

Taken aback, Cersei paused, then asked, “Do I know you from somewhere?” 

Brienne feigned ignorance and shrugged, “Can’t say we’ve ever met. I’m sure I would have remembered you.” She knew her voice gave her away, and Cersei must have remembered, too, as the faint smirk tugged at her lips. 

She turned back to Jaime, “Well, I just wanted to stop by on my way to the office. Father wanted me to tell you that he is expecting you at the company dinner this Saturday. You’ll need to be dressed up, obviously, perhaps you should think about getting a haircut. Oh, and bring a-” Her eyes flicked in Brienne’s direction for a split second, “- proper date.” With that, she turned on one heel, her hair flipping behind her as she left. 

Jaime was still stuck in the same place, though now the cup was on the counter, and he was mindlessly scratching at his right hand, a vacant look in his eyes. 

Brienne looked around the shop. The only other customer seemed to have picked up on the mood, and was standing up to take their coffee to go. Brienne gave an apologetic look to them before turning back to Jaime. She walked around the bar, though she never had before, and placed a hand on Jaime’s shoulder, snapping him out of whatever thought he was trapped in. 

“Let’s sit down,” she said calmly. Jaime nodded and went over to the couch. Before following him, Brienne grabbed them two cinnamon apple muffins, making a mental note to leave money for them before she left. 

She handed him a muffin and sat down next to him. “So that was your sister.” 

Jaime looked at the muffin. While he held it in his right hand, he continued to scratch at the back of that hand with the left. “Yeah, Cersei.” He looked up at Brienne, “You know her?” 

“I’ve only met her once, though that was more than enough,” Brienne sighed, “She was the one I found with Ron, my sort of ex. The woman that called me a cow.” 

“Shit, I’m so sor-“ Jaime started. 

Brienne placed her hand over his, stilling his scratching. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m getting over it, and I was able to at least face her today. You can’t help who you’re related to. I would never hold that against you.” 

“Thanks,” Jaime said quietly. “Unfortunately, I can’t say that was out of character for her. That’s who she is. I- I didn’t talk about her earlier because it’s hard to explain Cersei. Yes, my father wasn’t there for me. But Cersei- she was always there, always manipulating me, belittling me so I would just follow her blindly. Even when I didn’t want to. It only got better once we went to separate colleges, and I was finally able to put up some boundaries. With distance things were easier. But seeing her is always difficult.” 

“I can understand why that would be. I’m sure it brings up a lot of memories.” Brienne paused, “Do you have to go to that dinner she mentioned?”

Jaime nodded, his fingers twitching under her hand. “If I don’t go, Cersei will probably make ridiculous accusations about my life here and I’d rather face him there than have him come here, unannounced like Cersei just did.”

“I can come with you,” Brienne said, quickly justifying, “I mean, if I know what’s going on, I can maybe help you get out of any very uncomfortable situations or just be there to support you or something.” 

“You’d do that? You saw Cersei- how she treated you. It could only be worse- why would you subject yourself to that?.” 

“I want to be there for you, like you’ve been there for me.” Brienne said simply, “Cersei’s just another woman who’s said something mean to me. She can’t say anything I haven’t heard before. I can handle it.” 

Jaime was about to protest, but the look in Brienne’s eyes- the sincerity he saw there - made him stop. Instead he just nodded his agreement. Brienne squeezed his hand once, then lifted hers from his, only then noticing the faint bruise-like scars scattered across his hand. Jaime must have caught her looking, but he didn’t yank his hand back, or close himself off from her. His hand just halted any movement, his body tensed as he waited to see what she would say or do. 

Brienne continued to hold his hand, her eyes roaming over his arm. There were little patches of discolored skin, scar tissue that had never fully healed, predominantly on the back of his hand, trailing up towards his elbow. Brienne brushed her thumb across his hand, then lifted it up to place a light kiss against his skin. She brought his hand back down, this time covering it with both hands, holding it in her lap. She looked up at Jaime. 

He was surprised, his expression half-scared, half-grateful. He was hesitant to say anything, but this was Brienne. And he was always safe with her. He swallowed hard, then said, “Some people call it dermatilomania, or excoriation disorder. Do you know about trichotillomania?” 

“Hair-pulling, right?” 

“Right,” Jaime said, “It’s like that, only instead of pulling at my hair, I pick at my skin. When I was younger, throughout high school, any time I started to feel anxious, whether because of my father or because of Cersei or even school, I’d just start scratching at my hands, pick at any imperfections in my skin until they were gone and it was just open sores. It got better while I was in college, though sometimes I’d still catch myself at night, loosing hours picking at a little scratch on my arm, trying to get rid of something that wasn’t really there, thinking I’d find some relief at some point. 

Jaime looked up, half expecting Brienne to be revolted and walk out. But she stayed, listening to him, still holding his damaged hand in hers. She never ceased to amaze him; most people were put off by his hands.

“While I was in law school, it was really bad. One day I had missed a class, so focused that I didn’t realize how long I had been picking at my hand. It was the same area that I’d been picking at for a few days, and I didn’t realize much damage I had done. My roommate came back, wondering where I’d been. He noticed how bad my hand look and took me to the hospital. It was infected. For a while, they were debating if it would need to be amputated, but luckily all of the antibiotics worked. It was a wake-up call to say the least, and so I quit law school, got back into therapy and decided to get a job in a coffee shop once my hands were finally healed.” 

Brienne didn’t know what to say. Instead, she just held his hand more tightly in hers. 

“I’ve been better about it since then. Usually, at least,” he could feel his skin tingling slightly where he had scratched earlier, but Brienne’s hands were soothing, and the need that used to consume him started to fade into the background. “Now it’s mostly just embarrassing, when people pay too close of attention to my hands. I can’t really explain it. Usually I give a half-assed excuse like having extremely sensitive skin. I thought they’d get better over time, but they haven’t. It’s taken a long time to accept that they’re like this for good.” He looked down at his hands, cringing. Maybe he still hadn’t accepted it. 

Brienne eventually spoke, “If you think about it, they’re just like battle scars. Just a different kind. And now you’re on the other side of that battle.” She looked at them with a different perspective- they weren’t a visible reminder of his weaknesses. Maybe it showed a quiet sort of strength, that they had mostly healed into scars and didn’t remain open- it showed how far he’d come. 

Jaime lifted his left hand up to Brienne’s cheek, “You’re amazing.” 

Brienne lifted her left hand to meet his, holding it to her, “You are.” 

In a moment of confidence, Jaime placed a light kiss onto Brienne’s scarred cheek. In that moment, they both knew there were words they could say, things to be discussed. Something seemed to have shifted; slowly, naturally, but it was different all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Your reviews thus far have kept me going with this story, and I really appreciate all of your support and kind words. 
> 
> This particular chapter for me was very important as I suffer from dermatilomania and it's one of the less talked about disorders in the anxiety-adjacent realm and I just felt like it was important to discuss, and I could see it as something Jaime could have possibly dealt with based on his past. I hope it was still something you felt fit into this story. 
> 
> The next few chapters will definitely be exploring more of Jaime and Brienne's relationship and how it will continue to evolve now that they do have each other for support and hopefully will show more of that. Please let me know what you think of it so far! 
> 
> Also, I'd assume most of you are coming from tumblr, but if not and if you would like to visit my blog, it is slytherinoftarth. 
> 
> Finally, if you have struggled with BFRBs such as trichotillomania or dermatillomania or just want to learn more about them, visit bfrb.org.


	6. Shagga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne and Tyrion and Shagga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter... fianlly. Sorry it took a lot longer than usual. RL, you know? But, I hope you enjoy this chapter!   
> Thank you to my lovely Beta, Braimelives! :)

Brienne thought a lot about her relationship with Jaime after that fateful meeting with Cersei. Brienne wasn’t usually at the shop on Mondays, but she had decided to stop in after work to say hi and ended up staying for a while since Jaime wasn’t very busy. If she hadn’t stopped in, if Jaime was busier, she might never have met Cersei then, never learned about what Jaime had dealt with, never had shared that moment with him. 

She knew what she wanted with him, and after that day, she was fairly certain he wanted that, too. She just wasn’t sure how they’d get there. She wasn’t sure if she should ask him about it, or if she should leave it to him. After he had kissed her cheek, they had sat together on the couch for a while, hands connected, and Jaime’s head against her shoulder. Eventually another customer came in, and Jaime had to get back to work, and their moment remained unfinished, not necessarily ended. Was it up to her to seek him out now? 

She wasn’t used to this. No one ever showed a legitimate interest in her, and this was the first time she felt like she was truly on the same page with someone. But what if she was misreading things? Seeing signs that weren’t really there. What if Jaime was just an affectionate man? The doubt and fear of being wrong, and loosing this friendship scared her, and she wasn’t sure if making that next step was worth the risk. 

Before she could debate it further, her phone vibrated. 

Jaime: Are you busy? I know its a Wednesday, but I promise it won’t be a late night. 

Brienne smiled. Once, Jaime had invited her over for dinner on a week night, and he ended up convincing her to stay to watch a documentary they were both interested in on the History Channel, which made her stay way too late, resulting in her sleeping in and being late to work. Since then, Brienne was weary of going over on weekdays. 

Brienne: I’m not busy. What’s up? Everything ok?

Jaime: Totally, I’m just at the park with my brother and his dog. do you want to join us and meet a more normal member of my family? 

Brienne’s stomach flipped at the thought. Jaime had only mentioned his brother a few times, but they seemed close. It was one thing to meet Cersei, who’s opinion didn’t matter. But, this was different, and his brother’s opinion would matter to Jaime. She had to swallow her fear, knowing that he must think they’ll get along well if he would just ask her to meet him like this. 

Brienne: Sure; I can be there in an hour. 

… 

Brienne arrived at the park and started to look for Jaime. She didn’t have to look for long before a beagle came bounding up to her, with Jaime following close behind, holding its leash. 

Brienne knelt down to the dog to pet it when she recognized it; Shagga, Tyrion’s dog. He looked at her expectantly, wagging his tail happily. Brienne was frozen in shock, trying to piece everything together. She managed a light pet along his back when Jaime caught up to them. 

“Sorry,” he said breathlessly. He looked at the dog, surprised “He usually doesn’t run off like that. He doesn’t like strangers.” 

Brienne looked at Jaime. She stood up, leaving Shagga jumping up towards her, wanting to be picked up. “I’m not, I-“ 

“Brienne?“ Tyrion had walked over to them, having taken his time instead of chasing after Shagga with Jaime. 

“You two know each other?” Jaime asked, his eyebrows raised, looking between the two, confusion written all over his face. 

Brienne looked between the two brothers, information clicking into place about the two. Jaime said his brother had changed his last name, and had mentioned Casterly Rock as his hometown- Casterly- Caster. Tyrion Caster. Jaime must have been in law school when she and Tyrion were at uni, which would explain why Tyrion didn’t talk about him- at that point Jaime had been isolating himself from everyone. 

For a moment, Brienne’s heart dropped at the thought that Tyrion had known all along, but the confusion on his face made that fear dissipate. “We went to university together.” Tyrion added, “I can’t believe Brienne’s the girl you’ve been talking about,” he turned to Brienne, “And that Jaime’s the friend you mentioned. What a small world,” Tyrion grinned. 

Again, fear clouded Brienne’s mind as she realized that Tyrion knew her feelings for Jaime, and perhaps Jaime had told Tyrion things about her that she wasn’t ready for him to know yet. Brienne reeled backwards, as if someone had kicked her in the stomach. There was a knot tightening in her chest, tighter and tighter. 

“I-I’m sorry, I have to go,” she whispered in a rush, still stepping backwards. She looked at Jaime, and hesitated at the pained, confused look in his eyes at her leaving. But she couldn’t ignore the panic rising through her, the growing pressure on her chest, the way her lungs felt like they were being squeezed until she couldn’t catch her breath.. She wanted to run to Jaime, the way he had comforted her before, but this was something she had to work through herself. And every second that went by she felt more and more of a pull to run away. She promised, “I’ll talk to you later, ok?” 

…

There was a knock at her door only moments after Brienne collapsed onto her couch. It couldn’t be Sansa; Brienne only called her a few minutes ago. 

Slowly, Brienne got up, and opened the door. Tyrion. 

“Can I come in?” He asked tentatively. Brienne opened the door wider and gestured him inside. 

Tyrion started, “I didn’t know that-“ 

“I know you didn’t. I don’t think any of us knew.” Brienne said, looking down at her hands. 

“Then what’s the problem?” He was genuinely curious. 

Brienne kept her eyes glued to the floor, “It’s just- it scared me, seeing you two together. You know about my feelings for him. And he- well, Jaime knows so much about me, and if you found out something about me through him-“ she paused to take a breath, “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just want to tell you things in my own time, you know? It scared me to think that I didn’t have the control anymore over what anyone knew about my past.” 

“Do you really think Jaime would share something private like that?” Tyrion asked, not in an accusing tone. 

“No,” Brienne answered quickly, “Not in detail or anything, but he might’ve told you things in confidence, just to have someone else to talk to about it- I wouldn’t blame him, I mean, you’re his brother and he should be able to confide in you about someone he’s seeing, especially if he had no reason to believe we knew each other.” 

“Well he never did and I honestly can’t see Jaime saying anything negative about you ever. Even if he had, and even if I had known it was you, I wouldn’t use your relationship with him to my advantage to pry into your life. I know that you’ve kept things from me, and I can understand you not wanting to talk about it, so I wouldn’t try to get that information elsewhere.” Tyrion gave a small smile, “I may be nosy, but I do respect boundaries.” 

Brienne gave a shaky smile in return, “I know.” She sighed, “I’m sorry I ran off like that.” 

Tyrion leaned back against the wall, “I get it, it just got Jaime into a bit of a funk.” 

Brienne’s eyes widened, “What?” She started to think through all the things that could go wrong because of the way that interaction ended. He had sent her a text asking if she was ok, though she hadn’t responded yet, not knowing what to say. Putting herself in his position, she could imagine panicking at that lack of response. She would be worried about him. 

“Don’t worry, Tarth. Knowing both of you, I’m sure you’ll be able to work things out.” 

Brienne smiled, the familiarity of her friendship with Tyrion soothing her. She felt bad she let there friendship slip throughout the past few years. “Thanks, Tyrion. And, listen, it’s not that I don’t want to share those things with you-“ 

“I know,” Tyrion quieted her fears, “You will when you’re ready.” 

“I think I am ready. You see, it’s just I-“ 

There was a knock at the door. There was Sansa. 

When Brienne opened the door she saw as Sansa’s eyes lit up when she noticed Tyrion in the background. Once Sansa was in, Brienne didn’t close the door. 

“I’ve got to go,” Brienne stated abruptly. Tyrion grinned, and Sansa was left confused, still trying to play catchup from Brienne’s moderately hysterical, vague phone call. “You two… just stay here, have some coffee or something. I don’t know. Just, I’ll be back soon- probably.” 

“I’ll catch her up to speed,” Tyrion called after Brienne as she hastily grabbed her keys and bag, and ran out the door. 

… 

Jaime was laying on his couch, absentmindedly petting Shagga, who was happily plopped on his chest, when the doorbell rang. Tyrion must have forgotten his key. He set Shagga down on the floor and walked to the door.

“Brienne.” He had been actively trying not to overanalyze what happened at the park. He was also trying not to overanalyze her lack of response to his text, and whether or not he should text her again. He trusted her, and their friendship if nothing else; he knew she wouldn’t just abandon him. She would reach out in time, as she had before- when he first said her name, acknowledged her, she left the cafe in fear, but she came back, didn’t she? And now there was even more reason for her to come back, more of a relationship. 

But seeing her in front of him, a faint blush on her cheeks, her breathing a bit heavy as if she hurried to his door, he didn’t want to ignore her. He wanted to be consumed by her. He took her hand and led her to the couch and sat down. “What’s up?” He asked, trying to keep a casual tone, not wanting to scare her away. But still, his heart raced. Jaime looked down as Brienne clasped his hands in hers. He had only a faint urge to pick at his skin earlier, but it was easy to resist; the anxiety in this situation wasn’t the same as his fear of Cersei. With Brienne, he had faith and knew that she wouldn’t abandon him without explanation. He trusted her in a way that he’d never been able to trust Cersei or his father. He focused on the feeling of her hands on his, and his heartbeat slowing down again. 

Brienne sucked in a breath, then hurriedly said, “I’m sorry I ran off. I got scared, and I know it’s stupid, but all of these questions were running through my head, like what you knew about me through Tyrion and what Tyrion knew about me through you without even knowing that it was me.You know? And I just- I wanted to stay when I saw your face, but I could already feel a panic attack coming on, so I had to get out of there. But Tyrion came by and I realized that I was just trying to keep control of all the loose ends in my life, and I can’t do that anymore. I don’t want to.” She glanced at Jaime, and he remained silent waiting for her to continue. 

“And though I don’t know exactly what this is between us, its something and I needed to just get over that shock at seeing Tyrion and we need to get used to being in each others lives, knowing the family members that we have good relationships with, and meeting each others’ friends. I’d thought about what it would be like for you to meet Sansa, and I guess it was always an abstract concept to me. Until today. And the thing is, once I thought about it, it’s nice that Tyrion is this tie between us, like he bridges those separate parts of our lives. And I just, I don’t want it to be completely separate anymore. I want you in my life. Completely.” Brienne was out of breath, but she didn’t have time to catch it again when Jaime’s lips met hers in an answer to her terrifyingly honest speech.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you think. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter. It meant a lot to me! Hopefully I'll be able to update sooner this week!


	7. from friends to this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happens in the aftermath of Jaime and Brienne's kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this chapter!! Thank you to my wonderful Beta, Braimelives :)

With Jaime’s lips on hers, Brienne felt her mind go blank, like she couldn’t think clearly. Or maybe it was just that her mind was so clear, so completely focused on the present, that she was acutely aware of the feeling of Jaime- like the way his hand moved from her cheek to the back of her neck, tangling in her hair as he pressed gently but eagerly towards her. His other hand was still in hers from earlier, their fingers now intertwined. 

Jaime’s kiss was like no other she had experienced. It wasn’t until much later that she even thought about Hyle or Ron, and how their hurried kisses were harsh and demanding where Jaime’s were gentle but passionate. Jaime’s kisses were a message, a declaration- he spoke volumes with the warmth of his lips on hers. It was louder than a thousand romantic gestures combined- and it was all for her. 

He let her set the pace, never rushing her to deepen the kiss, but he was always affectionate, pausing to kiss a path down her cheek to her jaw as they caught their breath. Brienne nipped lightly at Jaime’s lower lip, and the sensation of it released an instinctual moan from the back of his throat. His mouth opened slightly, and Brienne moved closer, pushing against him until he his back was pressed up against the armrest of the couch and she was as close to him as she could be without being on top of him. 

For the first time in her life, Brienne just knew that this was right, that this was where she was supposed to be. She knew that eventually there would be doubt and fear and her insecurities would come back to the surface. But for now Jaime was all she needed, and she would revel in the feeling of him. 

Unfortunately, they were separated all too soon by Shagga jumping up onto the couch in the narrow space between them. Brienne pulled back from Jaime’s lips, giggling as she leaned her forehead against his. 

Jaime smiled, his eyes glittering as he took in Brienne. She was sure she looked a mess, her hair rumpled, her cheeks flushed- but he didn’t seem to mind. There was laughter in his voice as he looked down at the beagle, “Poor timing, dude,” he shook his head, patting Shagga’s head. 

Brienne leaned back more against the couch and a sigh escaped her lips. After all that had happened and changed today, she delighted in the moment of contentment, being there with Jaime. She pet Shagga, too, her hand brushing against Jaime’s every so often as she did so. Even the faintest touch set her heart racing. 

After a few minutes of silence, Jaime caught her hand and held it firm. She could see a spark in his eyes, as if he just made some decision, found some clarity. “Brienne,” his expression was serious, “I don’t know how you feel about what just happened and what could happen going forward. I want to be honest with you. Though I don’t want to scare you, and I don’t want to rush things, I do want you. I want to be with you. In every way, as much as I can. And if you aren’t ready, we can go slow. As slow as you need- I’m in this for the long haul, no matter what, okay?” 

Her free hand went up to his cheek, her thumb feeling across the stubble of his beard. Brienne kissed his other cheek, then met his lips in a chaste kiss. “Okay.” She smiled as Jaime’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment, “I want this, too. I can’t promise it will be easy, and I don’t know how exactly to move forward. But I want to. Gods, do I want to.” 

“I’m glad we’re in agreement, then.” Jaime grinned and planted a kiss on her temple. Brienne leaned into it, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. Smiling wider, Jaime moved his arm around her, pressing her close in some semblance of a hug. But before long, Shagga was barking again, wanting the attention back on him. Jaime sighed, “I should probably text Tyrion, tell him to pick up his dog.” 

“I should probably go, too.” Brienne said regrettably, “I left as soon as Sansa came by and I owe her an explanation. Though, I’m sure she didn’t mind. She’d never say no to a bit of time with Tyrion.” 

“She has red hair, right?” Jaime asked, remembering the photos from Brienne’s apartment. Brienne nodded, and he continued, “That makes sense; Tyrion mentioned a woman he was interested in. It must have been Sansa.” 

“That’s good to know,” Brienne said, relieved for her friend. “Though, maybe I really should get back, then- I left them alone in my apartment.” 

Jaime raised his eyebrows knowingly, “It wouldn’t be fair for them to have more alone time than we can. Tyrion’s the one who should be interrupted by his dog.” 

Brienne laughed, then silence fell between them again. Brienne stood up and Jaime followed and they inched towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow? At the cafe?” With everything that happened, she was grateful she would be seeing both her therapist and Jaime again tomorrow. 

“I’ll be there.” Jaime said, his smile warm. Before opening the door, Brienne wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her, but leaned back first, so he could kiss her again. It wasn’t as intense as their first had been, but it was full of promise for something more. “Let me know if you need anything tonight,” Jaime told Brienne, “Or if you’re thinking about things or if you can just tell me how you’re doing if you don’t mind.” 

Brienne could hear the concern in his voice, the same type of doubt that she recognized so often in herself. She nodded, promising, “I’ll call you. And you let me know how you are, too, okay?” With one more kiss, she opened the door, looking back again to smile and take in the sight of Jaime. 

…

“It looked like they jumped apart when they heard me coming in,” Brienne laughed, her phone on the pillow next to her on speaker. She had her book in her lap, a bookmark marking the page she was on when Jaime called. 

Jaime’s laugh was clear through the phone, and if Brienne closed her eyes, it sounded like he laying was next to her. She shivered at the thought. “I texted him a few times, but he must have silenced his phone. He seemed quite happy when he picked up Shagga, though I have to admit I was a bit too distracted to really pay him much attention.” 

Brienne grinned, “I could only get a few answers from Sansa. She was very keen on knowing why my hair was a bit ruffled and my blush hadn’t faded.” 

“I suppose that was my fault,” Jaime answered, unapologetic. 

“I’m not complaining.” Brienne said. “While it was a bit more… eventful… than it could have been, I’m very happy about what happened.” 

“Me too,” Jaime’s voice was rich with emotion, and even though Brienne couldn’t see him, she could imagine the look in his eyes. 

…

Catelyn opened her office door and caught Brienne’s eye, waving her over. At first, Brienne had always called her Dr. Tully, but Catelyn told Brienne that she could use her first name, to help Brienne feel more comfortable opening up. It was Sansa who recommended Catelyn, having seen her a couple of times herself after Ramsay. 

“How are you today, Brienne?” Catelyn asked as Brienne sat down in her usual spot on the couch, Catelyn facing her in an armchair, a notepad balanced in her lap. 

“I’m really good, for the most part.” Brienne took a breath and explained everything that happened- Cersei and learning more about Jaime, then seeing Jaime at the park and realizing that he and Tyrion were brothers, Tyrion coming over, going to Jaime’s, kissing him. Brienne blushed when she finally got to that part. She always spoke to Catelyn of past relationships, and she hesitated now, not wanting to sound too hopeful. 

Catelyn picked up on that, “How do you feel about starting a new relationship?” 

Brienne looked down at her hands, “I know that Jaime’s a good man, and I know that he cares about me, too. But, I can’t understand why he wants to be with me. Since we kissed, there’s a part of me that’s preparing for the worst, for him to just walk away.” 

“You can’t understand why he wants to be with you?” 

“I mean,” Brienne sighed, tears welling in her eyes though she tried to swallow them back, “I know we’re compatible on an emotional and intellectual level. But, physically-“ she stopped herself. 

Catelyn and Brienne had spent a lot of time trying to reverse the image Brienne had of herself, the way that she had been conditioned to view herself for so long. Brienne thought she had made some progress, but here she was, self-doubt making her question the first good relationship she’s been in. 

“Would you still want to be with Jaime if he didn’t look the way he did?” 

“Of course,” Brienne answered instantly. She thought about the way he was self-conscious about his hands. Was that comparable to how she was self-conscious? She would never judge him by those scars. She supposed he must look past her flaws as well. 

Catelyn could see the realization on Brienne’s face and changed the subject, “How do you feel about the dinner this weekend, with his sister and father?” 

“Nervous,” Brienne admitted. “I’m not scared of Cersei. Seeing her again, I realized it was just her, it wasn’t my fault that she said those things to me. I don’t need to give her a reaction. I am worried about Jaime being judged for bringing me, and I am nervous to meet his father.I know his opinion of me won’t change Jaime’s opinion, but I also know he likely won’t have anything good to say.” 

“And yet you’re still going.” Catelyn noted. 

“I want to be there, I don’t want Jaime to face them alone. “

Catelyn smiled, “That’s good, Brienne, that you’re approaching it with such a level head.”

Brienne paused a moment, worrying her lower lip, before adding, “And I’m not as worried about how I’ll deal with his father. I’m more worried about how it could effect Jaime. I don’t want that to weigh on him- me being another thing that his father disapproves of. Even though he’s dealt with that before and accepted how his father sees him, those kinds of feelings, that self-doubt that someone else has given you- they never fully leave us, do they?” She supposed she was asking the question for both Jaime and herself- would those feelings ever fully leave her either?

“Perhaps not,” Catelyn said thoughtfully, “but once you’re aware of them, it’s a lot easier to recognize those feelings and look past them.” She seemed to understand the additional meaning, “Brienne, it’s really good that you’re going into this to support Jaime. Just make sure to take care of yourself, too. If you notice you’re getting anxious, take a few breaths, excuse yourself for a minute if you have to. But, with the progress you’ve made, I think this could be good for you. It might even help you with your doubt over your relationship. Jaime is choosing you as much as you’re choosing him.” 

…

Brienne arrived at the cafe a little after 1 o’clock. Jaime had a line of customers, but he had her coffee and a cinnamon scone waiting for her at the bar. She smiled and walked over, taking out her book to read until he was free to talk. After she finished her last book, she decided to read something more light-hearted, and anytime she smiled at something in the book, she’d notice Jaime watching her, smiling too. 

Eventually the lunch rush was over, and Jaime moved over to be next to Brienne. He leaned over the counter to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, which made her blush and made him grin. He loved that blush. 

“How was your appointment?” He asked. 

“It was good,” Brienne smiled. She broke a piece of the scone off and offered it to Jaime. 

“Thanks,” he smiled. “Do you have plans for tonight?” 

“Margaery is coming over to help me pick out an outfit for Saturday. Do you want to do something tomorrow night instead?” 

“Your place or mine?” 

Brienne couldn’t help but smile- it all felt so natural, “You can come over to my place. We can get take out from this Thai place around the corner if you’d like.” 

Jaime nodded, “Awesome.” He paused, “And you’re sure you want to come on Saturday?” 

Brienne covered his hand with hers, “Of course. As long as you want me there, I want to be there.” Jaime nodded again. He didn’t say anything, but Brienne could see the appreciation in the look in his eyes. “What should I wear?” 

Jaime laughed, “You can wear a t-shirt and jeans for all I care. It just means the world that you’d come.” He sighed, flipping his hand over to squeeze hers, “But, typically his dinners are pretty formal. I’ll wear a suit probably. So probably some kind of cocktail dress or a pantsuit? Just moderately formal?” 

“Alright, then that’s what I’ll tell Margaery.” 

“Thank you for going with me,” Jaime said, though there was a flicker of worry deep down that the dinner would somehow mess things up for them. He pushed that thought away as quickly as he could. 

They talked for a little while longer, still able to banter the way they had when they were just friends. It made Jaime feel ten times lighter, knowing that some things between them wouldn’t change as their relationship evolved. He still just hoped that the dinner wouldn’t change things either. 

…

Margaery arrived at Brienne’s flat with a garment bag over her shoulder. 

“What is that?” Brienne asked, hesitantly. 

Placing the bag on Brienne’s couch, she explained, “Well, when you mentioned that it would be a formal event, I remembered a dress that was featured in last month’s issue and so I went to the wardrobe department and they had your size.” 

“Margaery, that’s too much, I can’t-“ 

“Oh please,” Margaery countered, “I’m doing this dress a favor. It deserves to be worn and not just sit in an office building.” 

Brienne sighed, “Alright, let’s see it.” 

A grin pulled at Margaery’s lips as she took out the dress, “If this doesn’t turn heads and make them take you seriously, I don’t know what will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so obviously in this fic Catelyn isn't related to Sansa. I really wanted Catelyn to be Brienne's therapist because I just felt like their dynamic really worked for this story, but I couldn't really see Brienne feeling comfortable talking to someone who she had connections to, like if Catelyn were Sansa's mom- I imagine it would all be too connected for her. So that's why Catelyn is Dr. Tully. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Next up will be the dinner party!!


	8. we're on each other's team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxieties rise as the dinner approaches. Sansa helps Brienne get ready, and Brienne and Tyrion have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I really loved writing this chapter. It ended up being a longer one, hope that's alright :)
> 
> Please note that the first half of it is very heavy on the mental health content, specifically Jaime's specific issues. 
> 
> A huge thank you to my Beta, braimelives. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Jaime could feel the dread building in his chest. He had felt it at the cafe, when Brienne stopped by, then again when she called him before going to bed, somewhat pleased with whatever outfit Margeary had put together for the dinner. THE dinner. That’s what it all came down to. Yes, he was always nervous before being in such a confined setting with his family, but he knew how to manage it after all these years, how to get through the night. It was his concern for Brienne that made this one different, that made Jaime so anxious.

While Jaime knew Brienne had experience with Cersei, he hated to admit that he knew that Cersei was capable of so much worse than what she originally had done to Brienne. She was a mastermind; an outright remark was surface level for her. Jaime knew only too well of the mind games she could play. And Tywin… he was another story all together, though maybe his intimidation tactics only had their impact on him because it was Jaime’s father using them. Maybe Tywin’s words it would hurt less for Brienne, since she wasn’t family. Maybe. But no matter what, Jaime knew that Cersei could make her words hurt. 

With that in mind, Jaime couldn’t help but think about the future. Though Brienne clearly didn’t mind that Jaime was related to Cersei, would that be something that would stop her from becoming more serious about him? As much as Jaime felt he knew Brienne, and knew that she was serious in exploring their relationship, what if she didn’t realize what she was getting herself into? What if she took one look at his messed up family dynamics and walked out of his life for good. People had done it in the past for far less reason.

No, Brienne’s not like that. He knew that- he had to keep telling himself that. Maybe she wouldn’t walk out after the dinner tomorrow. But if things lasted between them, and Jaime had a feeling that they could, would she marry him, become part of his family? Could he subject her to more pain, pain that she should never have to live with? He didn’t want to expose her to more opportunities to get hurt, not after she’s been through so much and gotten so far. But he couldn’t even bring himself to think of losing her. 

Everything was spiraling around Jaime, and he could barely think straight. He wanted to stop thinking. He needed to. He looked down at his hand, where the skin was already broken from Cersei’s visit to the cafe. It was easier than breathing to just start picking at it, trying to clear away the dead skin, and with it all his thoughts, all his worries. 

… 

Brienne looked at the Thai food on the counter then back at her watch. She could have sworn that she and Jaime had settled on 7 for him to come over when they were on the phone last night. But now it was 7:30, and the food was surely getting cold. 

In the last half an hour, she had to stop herself a few times from texting him, checking to see if he was on his way. She didn’t want to seem too needy. He said he was coming, and she knew Jaime wouldn’t just blow her off. But she still worried. Jaime was never so late, and while he was still his playful self on the phone last night, he did seem a bit quieter than usual. 

Brienne picked up her phone, tapping it against her hand a few times, debating what to do. “It’s perfectly reasonable to call him,” she told herself in a low voice, “just make sure he didn’t forget, or… I don’t know, make something up.” Brienne breathed in deeply, then called him. 

“Hello?” Jaime’s voice was so small and toneless, Brienne’s heart started to race. Something had to have happened, she’d never heard him like this before. 

“Hi, Jaime. It’s Brienne. I was just wondering- “

“Shit,” Jaime said roughly, his voice gaining back it’s usual clarity. “Oh no, I can’t believe it’s this late, I’m so sorry, I-“ he sighed loudly, disappointed in himself. “I’m really sorry, Brienne.” 

“It’s okay,” Brienne soothed, “Are you okay? Do you need to be alone tonight? Or do you want me to come over, or-“ she wasn’t sure what she should offer, what he needed. She could tell that everything wasn’t okay, though, and despite the offer she didn’t want to leave him alone right now. 

“It’s fi-“ he stopped himself, “It’s not fine, but really it’s nothing you need to worry about, I can handle it, just-“ 

“I’m sure you can handle it, but you don’t have to. And I am worried about you. I care about you, you know. We’re in this together now, right?” 

“I know,” Jaime answered warmly. Brienne didn’t say anything, letting Jaime work out what he needed. There was a pause. “Maybe, could you come over?” 

“Of course,” Brienne said, relieved. “I can bring the food with me and be there in 15.” 

…

Brienne made it in 10 minutes, speeding a bit more than she would care to admit. She slammed the car into park and hurried to the door. 

She knocked twice, then heard his footsteps approaching. 

The door opened, and Jaime was there, though he was half hidden behind the door. “Hey,” he said, quietly, a shy smile on his face. 

Brienne stepped in, and placed the take out on his coffee table before turning back to him. Jaime was right there beside her, and she couldn’t help placing a hand against his cheek. “Are you alright?” His eyes were sad and glittering. 

Jaime looked down. For a moment Brienne thought he just didn’t want to meet her gaze, but then she looked down to see what he was looking at. Brienne delicately took his hands in hers and lifted them up. 

The fingers on his left hand were stained slightly red with dried blood. On the back of his right hand, a bit below his wrist, was a small section of skin, open and bleeding. Brienne squeezed his hands in hers, kissing his knuckles. 

Jaime swallowed and leaned his forehead against hers. His voice pained as he said, “I’m sorry, I lost track of time, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want you to see me like this but I knew I owed you an explanation.” He squeezed back on her hands, then stepped back from her. “You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want to. I can get cleaned up and maybe I can meet you later tonight. Or we can meet tomorrow before dinner, if you still want to go, or-“ 

“Jaime,” Brienne stopped him, closing the distance between them. “Of course I’m staying. I’m just glad you let me come here. Can I do anything for you?” 

Jaime looked into her eyes, confused, “Why would you stay here?” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Brienne reached out again, smoothing the lines of his brow with a gentle touch. “You’ve been there for me time and time again.” 

“Yes, but-“ Jaime paused, shaking his head. “I guess I’m just surprised. My last relationship- I shouldn’t have presumed,” he was muttering half to her, half to himself. 

“What happened?” Brienne asked, leading him into the kitchen, to sit at the table. 

Jaime shrugged, “Well, I tried to keep these things from her- she seemed so perfect, like she had her life together, and I was ashamed that I didn’t. When it started to become too much for me to keep in, I started telling her what was going on with me. And it was hard for her to handle. A few weeks went by, and I thought things might be ok. But then I realized she didn’t want to touch me- she would shake off my hand when I’d try to hold hers. She said she didn’t feel as connected to me anymore and that it wasn’t working out.” He scoffed, “The last thing she said to me was that I should really get professional help, like I was unlovable if there was still a part of me that was broken.” 

Brienne couldn’t help letting a few tears fall, and Jaime seemed to notice. He lifted a hand, as if to wipe them away for her, but looked at his hand, and set it back down on the counter. Brienne’s eyes welled up again. 

Moving from her seat, Brienne knelt down in front of Jaime so that they were eye level from his seat, and kissed him soundly, wiping at his eye, where a few tears also slipped out. When she broke off the kiss she whispered, “I’ll be right back.” 

She got up and went over to the bathroom, where she knew there was a first aid kit. A few weeks ago, when she was over for dinner, they were looking through a medieval history book (Jaime was trying to prove he was right about a certain fact but ended up being wrong when they looked it up) and Brienne got a deep paper cut on one of the pages. When that happened, Jaime sprang up without explanation, and Brienne had no choice but to follow him to the bathroom where he got out the first aid kit, and wrapped her finger in a bandage. 

Brienne brought the kit back and set it on the table. Jaime watched as she opened it and pulled out a some gauze, antiseptic wipes, some bandaids and antibiotic ointment. She didn’t say anything, but quietly went about cleaning his hand and arm with an antiseptic wipe, then she put on the ointment with a cotton swap, covered it with a bandaid, then wrapped it with the gauze. Throughout, Jaime would protest, to say she didn’t have to, but Brienne would only meet his gaze for a moment before returning her attention to the task at hand. When she was done, she patted his hand softly, then brought it up to her lips to kiss it. She looked up at him and he was looking back at her with the most incredulous look in his eyes. 

“You don’t need to be ashamed with me.” Brienne kept her hand over his. 

Jaime didn’t hesitate this time in cupping her cheek with his hand and leaning in to kiss her. “I-“ he was at a loss for words. Finally, he got out, “thank you.” 

… 

After Jaime cleaned up the first aid supplies and washed up, the two sat down in the living room to eat dinner. They watched a rom-com as they ate, at Jaime’s insistence, and after dinner they shared a croissant that Jaime had brought home from the cafe. After the movie ended, and the credits were rolling with some obnoxiously happy love song in the background, Brienne curled up next to Jaime, her legs draped over his lap, and his arm around her shoulder. 

“Can I ask you something?” She asked tentatively. Jaime looked at her, raising his eyebrows in response. Brienne continued, “What had you so anxious this evening?” 

Jaime looked over her shoulder, playing with her hair with the hand that was around her, as he responded, “Honestly, I’ve been worried about tomorrow. I’m afraid of what Cersei, or even my father might say or do to you. I don’t want them scaring you away.” 

“I hate to break it to you, but I won’t be that easy to get rid of,” Brienne smiled a bit. She wanted to lighten things for him, but she could see in his eyes it was a real concern. 

Sitting up a bit straighter, and moving so that he had to look into her eyes, Brienne continued, “Look, you don’t need to be so worried about me. I’ll be able to handle whatever they throw at me. Maybe it will be hard to hear, but I’ve gotten a lot better at letting things roll off me. If Cersei called me a cow again, I don’t think it would bother me that much. I’ve heard worse than that, too. Growing up kids were ruthless. It took a long time, but I’m starting to figure out what voices to pay attention to and which to ignore.” 

Brienne waited for a response, and Jaime nodded slowly, “I just want to make sure that you know that, even though they’re family, I don’t care about their opinions anymore. What they think doesn’t matter, I just don’t want it to hurt you.” He paused, “And if this continues, you might have to see them from time to time, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that.” 

“You shouldn’t either,” Brienne responded, “But it is what it is, and I’d much rather have you in my life, even if it means tolerating an occasional dinner.” She smiled, “And your family isn’t all bad- you have Tyrion, too.” 

Jaime smiled at that, “I suppose he’s alright.” 

Brienne leaned back against Jaime’s arm. “Tomorrow will be ok. We’ll look out for each other.” 

Jaime pressed a kissed to Brienne’s hair and smiled, “A united front against… who knows what. We’ve got this, Tarth.” 

…

Since the conversation the night before, Jaime seemed much more relaxed in his conversations with Brienne. They talked again on the phone before bed, only an hour after Brienne left Jaime’s place, and then Brienne stopped by the cafe in the morning on Saturday. Jaime played “In My Life” for her while she sat at the counter and drank her coffee. Then he rattled off some coffee facts for her when there was a break in customers. They continually kept a text conversation going throughout the day, though it wasn’t really so much of a conversation as a series of random, unconnected anecdotes about their day.

Eventually, Brienne went to Sansa’s flat to get ready for the dinner, as Sansa had insisted on doing her hair and makeup. 

“Oh!” Sansa squealed as she opened the door and saw Brienne in the dress that Margery had picked out. The base of the dress was a simple, tea length, white dress with a scalloped boatneck that just brushed her collarbones. But on top of the white was a long-sleeved red, silk cloak-like overlay that draped over the dress and cinched in at the waist with a small golden belt. “You look beautiful!” Sansa exclaimed. 

Brienne blushed and looked down as she entered Sansa’s living room. She wasn’t used to compliments, and usually, if Sansa did compliment her, Brienne brushed it off, knowing she only said it to be nice. But Brienne felt… prettier, maybe even a little bit elegant, in this dress. 

Brienne nearly reeled backward, however, when she noticed the array of make up and hair products Sansa had set out on her table. Sansa laughed, “Don’t worry, Brie. I’ll keep it minimal. I just like to have options.” 

Sansa started with Brienne’s hair, curling the ends before twisting back a few pieces from the front into a delicate knot. As Sansa started on the make up, there was a knock at the door. 

“Oh shoot, he’s early,” Sansa muttered. Sansa didn’t ever blush, though she smiled bashfully at Brienne before answering the door. 

“Hello, my lady,” Tyrion voice drifted into the room. Brienne turned around to see Tyrion smiling at Sansa. 

“You’re early, Tyrion,” Sansa said, trying to sound serious, though she couldn’t keep the happiness from her voice. 

“Well,” Tyrion shrugged, “You mentioned you were helping Brienne get ready, and I wanted to see her and wish her luck before she ventured into the belly of the beast.” Tyrion turned to Brienne, “You do look quite lovely, Brienne.” 

“Thanks,” Brienne answered, “Is it proper for the dinner?” 

Tyrion plopped down on the couch next to her, but Sansa quickly exclaimed that he was going to wrinkle her dress, so he moved over a bit, also giving Sansa room to work on Brienne’s make up. He answered, “It’s formal enough, though it’s a bit different in style, less traditional than what the other women will be wearing.” He added quickly, “But it does look lovely. No matter what you wear, I’m sure Cersei will find some fault in it. There’s not much that can be done about that. But I’m sure Jaime will love it.” 

Brienne blushed deeper, wondering for a moment if the red of the dress would look wrong against her blush. But Sansa seemed to read her mind and reassured her, “It really is perfect, Brie.” 

“Should I be worried, Tyrion?” Brienne asked as Sansa brushed a warm taupe color across her eyelids. 

“They’re not nice people, Brienne. Jaime only deals with them because he cares. While he’s definitely learned to better protect himself from them, he still holds on to what he can of our family. I’ve let it go because I don’t see anything left to hold on to. Except for Jaime, of course. I know I never talked about him in school, but he was really the only family I had growing up. Tywin, our father, couldn’t care less about me. Cersei despised me. But Jaime always took care of me and looked out for me. He protects the people he cares about, and he’ll protect you if anything were to happen tonight.” 

“And who protects him?” Brienne asked. 

Tyrion smirked, “I’m sure you will. Even in that dress, I’m sure your right hook is as good as ever.” Sansa swatted at Tyrion’s arm, making him laugh out loud. “I’m kidding, of course, I’m sure it won’t come to that- hopefully. But you just being there will be enough. It’ll be the first time in a long time he’s had someone completely in his corner at one of these events.” 

Brienne smiled, as much as she knew he worried about her being there, it was nice to know that there was still some good that could come out of it for Jaime. 

…

Sansa was true to her word and kept it minimal for Brienne’s make up, for which she was very grateful. She still looked like herself, though her eyes stood out a bit more, and her lashes were actually visible, coated in black mascara. Brienne drove over to Jaime’s place, since they would be driving together to the dinner. 

When Jaime opened the door for her, his eyes widened as he took her appearance in, “You look so beautiful, Brienne.” Before she could say anything in response, particularly about how good he looked in his suit, he stepped outside with her and gestured towards his car, “Shall we?” 

It took about half an hour to drive to the Lannister Estate; it was somewhere between a manor and a mansion, complete with a courtyard and a fountain on the front lawn. Jaime parked his sensible car at the end of a line of increasingly outrageous sports cars. 

Brienne felt overwhelmed and must have looked it; as they walked to the entrance, Jaime kept a hand on her back, rubbing comforting circles. “We’ve got this.” He whispered to her, dropping his hand from her back to hold her hand instead.

She took a breath and nodded, squeezing his hand. He smiled reassuringly before opening the door. They were met with a foyer full of people, dressed very formally and- as Tyrion noted- traditionally. Brienne’s eyes shifted around the room, taking it all in. There were waiters walking around in suits, holding trays of drinks for the guests. It was like every stereotype of the rich compressed into one location that Brienne had ever heard in her life. She was still looking around when she heard a shrill voice call out, “Jaime!” 

Brienne instantly squeezed Jaime’s hand in a firmer grip before turning her attention to Cersei. It was then that Brienne froze, feeling the color drain from her face. 

Cersei sauntered over to them, her right arm hooked in the crook of a man’s arm. “It’s so good to see you, Jaime,” she said sweetly before turning to look at Brienne, a malicious spark in her eye, “And you, Barbara. It’s so nice to see you again.” 

Jaime was about to correct her when Cersei continued, “Oh, how rude of me, I should introduce you to my date; darling, this is my brother, Jaime Lannister, and his- friend,” she said with an edge in her tone. “Jaime, this is my date, Ron Connington.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Brienne's dress is loosely based on Gwen's dress that she wore to the Emmys and looked ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL IN OMG 
> 
> But anyways, I hope you liked the chapter and that twist ending ;) I was planning for this chapter to include the whole dinner party, but there was so much that happened prior to it that I needed to split it up. Stay tuned!


	9. twenty-year dark night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne deal with dinner at the Lannister Estate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write, so a huge thank you to my Beta, Braimelives!!! This is a pretty heavy chapter, so get ready. 
> 
> Also, the title is a reference to a song, let me know if you get it ;)

Jaime could see Brienne tense in his periphery, though he kept a steady glare on Ron Connigton; knowing Cersei, this had to be the Ron that toyed with Brienne and left her. He regretted agreeing to Brienne accompanying him here; he should have known Cersei would go for the jugular, hurt Brienne in the best way she could with the ammunition she had. Jaime’s hand tightened around Brienne’s, letting her know that he was there and that he understood what Cersei had done. He instinctively took a step forward, moving slightly in front of Brienne, making himself a barrier between her and Ron. Ron, however, was oblivious to the mood surrounding him, and mistook Jaime’s movement as part of a greeting. 

“Good to meet you, Jaime,” He said with too much familiarity. He took Jaime’s right hand to shake, jerking it forward a little bit as he did so, which led to Jaime’s sleeve lifting up a little bit. “Woah,” Ron said, pointing at the bandage there, “What’d ya do, get in a fight or something?” 

Jaime faked a smile, used to these sorts of interactions with people who noticed a wrapped arm, or a few scars. He tried to ignore the disgusted look on Cersei’s face, “Something.” He stepped back to Brienne’s side, still holding her hand. 

Ron finally spared her a glance. Then he did a double take, recognizing her, “Hey, I know you.” His lips twitched up and his gaze turned into a leer that made Jaime’s stomach turn. “It’s Britney, right?” Jaime could see the ghost of a smirk on Cersei’s painted lips. She was enjoying this and it infuriated him. 

The bastard didn’t even remember her name. He took so much from her, caused her so much pain, and he didn’t know her name. Jaime took a step forward. This time Ron must have seen the look in his eyes and stepped backwards, nearly knocking Cersei’s wine out of her hand. 

Jaime didn’t know what he was going to do, but before he could figure it out, Brienne’s hand held him back. She held onto his hand as affectionately as ever, but there was a firmness to the way she held him back that signaled that this would only make the situation worse. He looked at her, and she gave a tiny shake of her head. She looked at Ron, “It’s Brienne, not Britney.” She turned to Cersei, “Cersei, it’s been a pleasure, as always. I hope you’ll both excuse us.” Brienne tugged on his arm and led him away, finding a secluded corner by one of the houseplants. 

Jaime turned to her, anger still in his eyes, “I can’t believe that-“ 

“I can,” Brienne said quietly. She ran a comforting hand along his arm. “I realized after the fact how little that I had meant to him. I could’ve been one meaningless half-relationship in a long line of them.” She sighed. It did sting, and she knew that once they left the dinner, she might fall apart a bit, let that final sting hit her that after all he did to her he didn’t even bother to remember her name. But not now. She couldn’t let Ron’s carelessness affect her, and she couldn’t let Cersei’s ploy affect her. “And Cersei…” Brienne shook her head, “honestly it’s ridiculous that she would stoop to that level to try to hurt me. But-“ 

She paused. Jaime watched as her eyes became glassy, “But?” 

Brienne swallowed then answered, “But, the only person with the power to truly hurt me here is you. Because you’re the only one I care about. And I know that you won’t hurt me.” 

“I won’t,” Jaime repeated, pulling her into a quick hug, to comfort her but also himself. He felt calmer and he knew Brienne did, too, as the tension she held melted away in his arms. When he released her, he gave a little lopsided smile, “Shall we return to the madness?” 

Brienne gave a tight smile and nodded, looping her arm in his. Jaime gave a few polite nods to people as he passed by, before he stopped in front of a tall, greying man. “Father,” he said with a small nod. 

Tywin Lannister’s eyes were intimidating. They lacked Cersei’s outright malice, but also lacked Jaime’s warmth. Which made them emotionless, and him more intimidating. Tywin looked at Jaime, disapproval written on his face as he noted Jaime’s slightly longer hair and unshaven face. 

“Jaime,” Tywin addressed him, “You’re looking well. The restaurant doing well?” 

“It’s a cafe,” Jaime corrected in a monotone voice, clearly having made that correction many times. 

Tywin waved a hand at Jaime dismissively, “Yes, well, whatever. You know, if you ever decide to return to law school your spot is waiting for you. Dean Smith assured me they’d be willing to take you back.” 

Jaime faked deliberation then shook his head, “I’m good, but thank you. I- appreciate the offer.” Brienne could hear the edge to his voice and squeezed his hand in hers. Tywin noticed the movement and looked over at Brienne. She was ready for whatever he would say. 

Jaime looked between them, realizing he was already on the defensive and had not yet introduced Brienne. As he went to speak, Tywin made a dismissive noise and walked away, not giving her a second glance. Brienne raised her eyebrows, “So, that was your father. Can’t say I see a family resemblance. Well, with Cersei, yes. But with you, no.” 

Jaime sucked in a breath and nodded, “ Lovely, right?” He laughed slightly, rolling his eyes a bit. 

Tywin clapped his hands, getting everyone’s attention and announced dinner would start in the main dining room. Jaime and Brienne were at the opposite end of the living room and were two of the last ones in to enter. There were only two seats left, directly across from Cersei and Ron. Of course.

… 

Somehow, the seating arrangement didn’t turn out the way Cersei had intended when she maneuvered the situation. Instead of dangling Ron in front of Brienne all night, Cersei watched as Jaime and Brienne talked quietly to each other, oblivious to Ron and never even bothering to glance over at her. Jaime was loving every minute of it. Especially when Cersei tried to get their attention and resorted to clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to get them to look her way. Jaime simply turned to her and suggested she take a sip of water. 

By the end of the dinner, Brienne had even gotten Tywin to acknowledge her. One of his business partners recognized her and couldn’t speak highly enough of her. As it so happened, before she was copy editor for the paper, Brienne had worked as a reporter and was writing an article following a particular court case involving a custody battle. She interviewed one of the lawyers and in her article praised the way in which he handled the trial and helped the child and his mother reconnect. Tywin gave an approving nod in her general direction when the lawyer recounted the story to him, and even addressed Brienne directly after dinner, while everyone was getting ready to leave.

“Sounds like you understand the importance of the court system, Ms. Tarth. Maybe you can talk Jaime into going back into the field.” Tywin said, his eyes suddenly much kinder, with a false sort of warmth to them. 

Brienne looked at Jaime, squeezing his hand for what must have been the hundredth time that night, “I don’t think so. He’s very happy where he is, and if he didn’t run that cafe, we never would have met. Besides, it was more the story of the family being able to reconnect that moved me rather than the court proceedings. Everyone should be able to have a family that loves and supports them, don’t you agree?” 

Tywin’s eyes grew cold again as he looked at Brienne with a stony expression. There were clear implications in her tone and he clearly did not like it. Tywin looked at Jaime and addressed him, “Fine, if you want to stay in a fruitless job, be my guest. But don’t expect to be welcomed to these dinners anymore, especially not with your friends. I won’t have you ruining these business dinners; they are for those of us who actually take things seriously, which you clearly do not.” 

Jaime felt his heart raced as he heard once again how he wasn’t living up to expectations. But it only lasted for a moment, before Brienne’s words hit him. No one had ever stuck up for him in that way before, and most certainly not to Tywin. Realizing Tywin’s words had him physically hunched slightly over, he straightened his shoulders and looked directly into his father’s eyes, passion meeting apathy. “Girlfriend, actually. Brienne is not just my friend.” Cersei was farther removed from the conversation, but he knew she was listening when her head snapped over to glare daggers at him. Jaime continued resolutely, “And I can’t say I’ll miss these dinners. I wanted to keep some semblance of a connection with you, but maybe Tyrion had it right all along cutting ties. Why should I continue to show up when I’m clearly not wanted as I am. I think you’ve just given me the clarity I’ve needed to finally put an end to this.” 

Tywin placed a hand on Jaime’s arm, directly over the bandage, very aware of what he was doing. Jaime winced slightly, but if Tywin noticed, he didn’t care. “You’re playing a dangerous game, Jaime. You’ll regret it, you know.” 

Jaime breathed in through his nose, trying to keep his calm. He pried Tywin’s hand off of his arm with his other hand and dropped it. “No, I don’t think I will. Goodbye, Father.” Jaime caught Brienne’s hand once again and they left without another word. 

The car ride home was quiet, Brienne and Jaime both processing everything that had happened that night. When they arrived back at Jaime’s place, Brienne didn’t even make a move to go to her car, instead following Jaime inside, intuitively knowing that they both needed each other tonight . She led him to the couch and they sat down, as close to each other as possible. Brienne draped her legs over his, and Jaime moved an arm around her, pulling her tighter to him. It was the first time that Brienne felt like she could breathe freely that night. They’d made it through the craziness and still had each other to lean on. 

“You ok?” Brienne asked Jaime. 

Jaime shrugged, looking at their intertwined hands as he spoke, “I will be. I should have known a long time ago that any effort to keep them in my life was futile. I’ll never be enough for Tywin, and I’m tired of it. And Cersei… gods, I can’t believe her. I mean, I can, but… I should never have brought you there. I should never have gone either.” 

“We made it through it, though, Jaime,” Brienne said, kissing his forehead, “I can’t say it didn’t hurt. Knowing that Ron didn’t even know my name. Knowing Cersei had intentionally invited him to mess with me. Knowing that there are people like Tywin who will constantly look down on people like us.” Brienne felt the tears prickling at the back of her eyes. “But we made it, we’re still here, together. I know that doesn’t make up for everything, I know that walking away from your family tonight is a big loss. Even though they aren’t great people, they were still your family, and it’s hard to lose that, and let go of that hope that things would change. But we can move forward now, together. As long as you want me here.”

“I’ll always want you here,” Jaime answered. Brienne met his eyes, and saw that familiar warmth there and it felt like home. They didn’t say much else that night, but they stayed together. Brienne stayed, borrowing a t-shirt and pajama bottoms to sleep in when they both couldn’t ignore how exhausted they felt. Brienne knew in the back of her mind, that this wasn’t the way she imagined spending her first night at Jaime’s, but the thought of anything physical happening was so far from either of their minds that it wasn’t even a question. They simply just needed the feeling of each other, secure and wrapped up in each other’s arms. They fell asleep that way, though they moved from the couch to Jaime’s bed, holding each other to ease the pain and distress that the night brought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so that was a lot, but it ended on a good note. After all of this angst and drama, the next chapter will definitely be happier with abundant fluff. 
> 
> Also, just on a personal note I wanted to share, I wrote in that line about Ron bringing attention to Jaime's arm because I get that A LOT and even after all this time its still super frustrating when its not out of concern but just like hey lol your arm is weird. Sometimes its easiest to just make a joke about being in a fight club and carry on, but most of the time I'll just be like 'oh yeah my skin is super sensistive hahaha tHANKS for ASKINg and drawing it to everyone's attention'
> 
> Anyways... please let me know what you think! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story- it means the world to me.


	10. and now i see daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jaime spend the day together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely a change from the last chapter; less angst, more fluff. A big thank you to my Beta, Braimelives!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been following this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

When Brienne awoke, the first thing she saw was Jaime’s face in front of hers, only a few inches away. His eyes were closed and his breathing regular- he was still asleep. She looked between them, at how they were positioned. One of his hands was at her waist, wrapped around partly to her back. Her own hands were between them, and she realized that one was outstretched, leaning slightly against his chin. 

She wanted desperately to run her fingers along his jaw, to trace the lines of his face, but she didn’t want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. She thought back to last night, trying to remember which one of them fell asleep first, but she couldn’t quite remember. She knew they were facing each other, talking in quiet, soothing whispers. They talked mostly about the good parts of their childhood, the things that made them feel better whenever something happened when they were young. Brienne told Jaime about her childhood pet, an old cat named Juniper that would always sleep at the foot of her bed and crawl up next to her when she had nightmares.

Jaime in turn had told Brienne about the nights when he would sneak into Tyrion’s room and tell him stories about their mother well into the morning. Tywin and Cersei always refused to talk to Tyrion about Joanna, but Jaime wanted him to know her, to know the woman who had loved Tyrion from the moment she found out about him. The only person Jaime knew that loved unconditionally. 

They talked about their favorite childhood movies, favorite toys, favorite songs. They continued talking even as they both closed their eyes, too exhausted to keep them open any longer, but still wanting to hear the other’s voice. And then suddenly it was morning. Brienne tried to think back, but she couldn’t even remember the last time she had slept through the night. 

Jaime sighed in his sleep, his head turning slightly, pressing against Brienne’s hand. She smiled, unable to resist sliding her hand up to cup his cheek, fingers tracing circles against his stubble. At that, Jaime’s eyes fluttered open. 

Brienne watched as his eyes focused, and he looked at her fully. The anxious part of her mind worried for an instant that he would regret spending the night with her in his bed, but that thought vanished quickly as he turned his head to press a kiss into her palm. 

“Morning,” he said grinning, his voice rough with sleep. 

Brienne smiled softly, “Good morning.” 

“It is- good, I mean. I’m glad you stayed.” Jaime moved his hand up from her waist to capture her hand in his. 

“Thank you for letting me stay. How are you feeling?” 

Jaime’s eyes drifted to a point behind Brienne, loosing focus a bit as he considered the question. “Better than I thought I’d be.” He paused, refocusing on Brienne’s deep blue eyes. “I never did thank you for what you said to Tywin. No one has ever stood up to him for me before. It meant a lot.” 

“He needed to hear it. You’re your own person, and I’m so proud of you for handling everything the way you did.” Brienne told him. 

“And you, too. The way you handled Cersei and Ron…” He shook his head, at a loss for words. He looked at her again, noticing that her eyes had that lightness to them again. Last night they had seemed so worn and tired. They were stormy- but today they were clear, and light; the waters were calm. 

Jaime looked at the alarm clock behind Brienne; it was already 9:30. “Would you like breakfast? You must be hungry, I know I am.” He asked, then hastily added, “Or do you have somewhere you need to be today? Sorry, I suppose I should have asked.” 

Brienne shook her head, “No, I’m free. Breakfast sounds lovely.” Brienne sat up, then winced slightly, touching the back of her head; her hair was still twisted back the way that Sansa had done it for the dinner last night. She must have been too tired to realize it last night, though now her head ached from sleeping on the bobby pins. 

Jaime noticed, “Are you ok?” 

“Oh, yes, I’m fine. I just need to take all the pins out of my hair. Sansa really secured it tightly and it’s just a little uncomfortable now. It’s my fault really, I should have taken it down last night, I just didn’t have the energy.” Brienne explained. 

Jaime sat up, too, and turned to face Brienne instead of getting up. “Turn around.” He said plainly. 

“What?” Brienne asked, already halfway out of the bed. 

“Turn around,” He placed a hand on her shoulder, “I’m going to get all the bobby pins out of your hair.” 

“You don’t have to,” Brienne blushed, “I could do it, it’ll just take a second.” 

Jaime waited patiently as she protested, but his hands twitched, anticipating the feel of her hair, “I know you can. But may I?” 

Brienne knew her blush was much deeper now and simply nodded her agreement. She turned and sat in front of him, smiling to herself. 

She felt Jaime’s hand come up to trace the hair that was twisted back from her face, held in a small knot in the back. He slowly removed the first bobby pin, taking his time, as if he was caressing, cherishing each strand of her hair. 

He continued on this way, though Brienne knew there must be at least twenty bobby pins holding her hair in place. He was clearly in no rush. Brienne’s eyes fluttered close as she appreciated the sensation of his touch. At one point, he moved her hair off of one shoulder and over the other, presumably to reach another bobby pin at the nape of her neck. His hands brushed over her neck, and she shivered, goosebumps rising over her arms and neck. 

Jaime’s hands stilled. Suddenly, she felt his lips pressed against the back of her neck. She shivered again, leaning subconsciously back towards him. “Jaime-“ she started, a smile ghosting her lips. 

“Shhh,” he said against her skin. She could feel him smile, “It’s all part of the process.” He kissed her once more, then she felt his hands return to their work. Jaime removed the last bobby pin, followed by the small elastic that held the two main pieces of her hair back, letting them fall around her face again, brushing against her shoulders. She thought he was done, and was about to say thank you, when his hands moved under her hair, up her scalp, messaging through the waves of her hair. 

“Mmmmh,” she couldn’t help the sound she made as she sighed contently. Then, very aware of herself, Brienne turned towards him, the blush still staining her cheeks. She looked at Jaime, unsure of what to do. A part of her felt a strong desire to act on the mix of feelings coursing through her in that moment, but another part of her held back, still exhausted and from the night before. 

Jaime seemed to understand, as he gently kissed her for only a moment before moving back again. It was like he knew that she wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge those feelings yet. She was glad, though, that he seemed to know they were there, just below the surface. 

“Breakfast?” he asked again with a smile. 

Brienne smiled, nodding. She found the courage to kiss him, in the same way he had just kissed her. She answered, “Sounds wonderful.” 

…

“Did you expect them to take this long to get together?” Jaime asked, sipping on his latte. They had made pancakes together- apple cinnamon- and were eating them at the table as they chatted about Sansa and Tyrion. 

Brienne thought about it, “Well, I was there when they met and it was quite obvious that they hit it off that night.” 

“But Sansa was engaged,” Jaime contributed, remembering what Tyrion had told him after he met her. 

“Right,” Brienne said, “Really terrible man. I was really worried for a while. Sansa seemed so unhappy in that relationship, but she hardly talked about it. Things didn’t really change for her until that night, when she met Tyrion. I think he made her feel something that she realized she hadn’t felt in a long time. It was about a week later that Sansa showed up at my door, crying. She told me all of the awful things Ramsay would do, how terrible he was to her.” Brienne paused, not wanting the conversation to turn dark. They’d had too much of that recently. “I think Tyrion made her remember that things didn’t have to be that way, that there were better men out there. I think meeting him gave Sansa the courage to end it with Ramsay and start cleaning up the mess he had made.” Brienne smiled, “I remember mentioning Tyrion a few months later and she perked up, asking about him. Unfortunately I hadn’t really spent much time with him after that. I was too busy cleaning up the mess Ron made, I didn’t really notice if they stayed in contact. But they seemed to hit it off once again when they both came over for my birthday. That was the day Sansa finally pulled me out of that hole I was in. 

Jaime’s hand covered hers, saying simply, “I’m glad Sansa and Tyrion have each other now. And I’m glad to have you.” 

“I’m glad I have you, too.” Brienne flipped her hand over, intertwining their fingers. 

Jaime smiled, and changed the conversation, lightening the mood, “So, would you like to do something today?” 

“I’d love to.” Brienne paused, “Though I’ll probably want to stop off at home first and shower. What did you have in mind?” 

…

Brienne drove home an hour later, still in Jaime’s t-shirt and flannel pants. She’d offered to change back into her dress before she left, or wash them when she got home and return them when he picked her up that afternoon, but he waved it off, saying that it was no rush. Secretly, she was glad. They still smelled distinctly like Jaime, and she didn’t necessarily want to part with them just yet. 

Once home, she hopped into the shower, then got ready, putting on a comfortable green sweater and jeans. She wasn’t sure exactly where they were going, Jaime hadn’t told her what he was planning, just that they were going to be out for the afternoon. 

She was glad she wasn’t wearing a face of makeup again today, though her stomach flipped for a moment, wondering if Jaime preferred the way she looked last night. Then she shook her head, trying to remember the things Catelyn told her to do when she was feeling self-conscious. Whenever a negative thought ran through her head, she tried not to agree with it. She’d treat it as a trained reaction, from years of doubt that piled up. She needed to retrain herself; not resist the thoughts and try to shove them from her mind as she’d done before, but acknowledge why they were there, and counter them. It didn’t always work, but it was a start. 

She looked away from her face, where she was focusing in on all of the imperfections, and touched her hair instead, remembering the way Jaime had freed it earlier. She shivered again as she thought of the way he’d kissed her neck. She’d washed her face the night before at Jaime’s place, and her face had been just as bare that morning as it was now, and there was no denying that he certainly showed her affection this morning. He liked her as she was, and Brienne wanted to embrace it rather than question it.

…

Jaime picked Brienne up a little while later, though he avoided any questions she had about where they were going. Brienne could see a few bags in the back of his car when she got in the passenger seat, but he simply answered “I just went shopping.”

Eventually they turned down a road that Brienne hadn’t recognized and into a parking lot. Brienne peered out the window, reading the sign on the building. “The humane society?” 

Jaime smiled at her and got out of the car. He walked around to meet her at her side and took her hand in his. “I’d been thinking about ti for a while. I’d never had a pet growing up, and I’d only interacted with Shagga when Tyrion brought him over. But when things were really bad, my psychiatrist suggested possibly getting an emotional support animal. I knew dogs were a big commitment, and I’d never spent much time around cats, so I was hesitant. I started volunteering here every so often, about once a month.” 

“That’s great,” Brienne said, still holding his hand as they walked inside. 

“Yeah,” Jaime said, waving at the volunteer behind the counter before walking back into the next room. “And I remember we were talking about your cat from your childhood last night, and I guess I finally decided that now was as good a time as any.” 

“To what? Wait. You want to get a pet- today? Now?” Brienne asked, her eyes widening. 

Jaime grinned, “Yeah, a cat, hopefully. I mean, if I see one that I connect with today.” He paused, looking at her surprised expression, “What do you think?” 

Brienne smiled back at him, “I think its great! I would have a cat now, too, but my apartment doesn’t allow animals. I think it could be good for you.” 

Jaime’s smile widened. They looked around the different cages in the room. There were mostly kittens, each in a cage with a few others, presumably their brothers or sisters. Brienne poked one of her fingers through the bars of a cage, squealing slightly when two of the kittens bounded towards her, sniffing at her finger before rubbing their head against her. She lifted her finger up to pet the little one’s head. Jaime suddenly felt this warmth spread through him. He’d never seen Brienne so delighted like this. He wondered how long it’s been since she had Juniper. He knew her cat passed away when she was younger, but she didn’t say when. And here she was now, playing with the kitten between the bars, any worry from the past few days out of sight. 

Jaime liked the kittens, but before he even stepped over to play with them, he heard a little noise coming from near his feet. He squatted down; in the lower cage, a grey paw stuck out between the bars, trying to catch hold of Jaime’s shoe lace. Jaime rested his fingers against the bars, and the cat, who looked much older than the kittens, put a paw on top of his fingers, then nudged them with its head. 

Jaime knew from volunteering there that he could take out a cat from its cage as long as all the other cats where in theirs still. He lifted the latch, and the grey cat leapt down and circled around Jaime’s feet, finally plopping down in front of him. Jaime sat down on the ground and reached out to pet the cat, but it ended up jumping up and plopping back down in Jaime’s lap. 

Jaime laughed and stroked the cat’s fur. He looked at the tag next to the cage. Luna,4y/o,F. “Hi, Luna,” He murmured to the cat. Luna turned her head to look at him, purring quietly. He heard footsteps behind him as Brienne walked over and knelt down behind him, wrapping her arms around him, one hand moving to pet Luna. 

“Look like she picked you,” Brienne smiled as Luna peered at her. Her hair brushed against his neck as she rested her chin on his shoulder. Jaime tilted his head against hers and picked Luna up, holding her against his chest. 

“Do you want us to take you home?” He asked Luna, unaware of the smile that spread across Brienne’s face. Luna burrowed her head against his sweater, purring louder. Jaime let out a small laugh, “I’ll take that as a yes.”


	11. filling in the blanks as we go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne acknowledges her feelings and her concerns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the delay, mental health and school work got in the way of writing this chapter, but I'm really happy with the way this one turned out! Also, if you noticed, I now have a set number of chapters for this fic- we're nearing the end of it! It's not set in stone, but that's how I have the rest of the fic outlined. 
> 
> A huge thank you to my Beta, Braimelives!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Brienne held Luna in her lap as Jaime drove them back to his place. Luna purred softly as Brienne stroked her back, barely aware of the car’s motion at all. At every stop light, Jaime would glance over at Brienne, then at Luna, then back to Brienne, smiling ear to ear. When they arrived back at Jaime’s apartment, Brienne let Luna down, and she ran across the room, hopping up onto the couch, settling in immediately in her new home. 

Together, Brienne and Jaime set up her litter box, her food and water, and her little bed next to the couch. Luckily, Luna wasn’t skittish being in a new place, and decided to nestle into Jaime’s lap once they were finished and sat down together on the couch. 

Brienne picked up one of the teaser cat toys that Jaime had bought and lifted it in the air over Luna, who batted at it, as she lay on her back, Jaime’s hands keeping her in place. They laughed as they watched her, a serious look of determination in Luna’s yellow eyes. Brienne was almost overwhelmed by the domesticity of it all. It was frightening that she could imagine all of this as a permanent fixture of her life, when they’d only really started their relationship less than a week earlier. 

As the day wore on, the feeling dissipated a bit, but never fully left her, and Brienne left Jaime’s place later on with an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach. It didn’t really disappear as the days went by either. They hadn’t yet adjusted to a routine in their relationship, with so much happening right at the start, and Brienne was left unsure of whether or not she should text him or call him; should they have dinner together? How often were they supposed to see each other? Everyday they at least exchanged texts and usually talked on the phone before bed, but they hadn’t yet seen each other by the time Thursday rolled around. She was worried she was overthinking things or overreacting, and she needed to find clarity. 

Brienne tried to explain this to Catelyn, “It was just all so much right away, you know. I just- I’m scared it was just situational. And I don’t want to move backwards. I mean, I know that his feelings are genuine and I feel confident in the relationship, but I don’t really know how to just be in a relationship. It doesn’t feel like the beginning of something new, and it doesn’t feel right to just go out on dates like once a week or something. I want to see him, to be with him, anytime I can. But is that too much?” 

“Do you think Jaime would think that was too much?” Catelyn asked her. 

Shrugging, Brienne answered, “I don’t think he would. We were together pretty often when we were just friends, but doesn’t a relationship change things?” 

“Wasn’t that something you liked about your relationship with Jaime? That it didn’t change your friendship?” 

“Yes,” Brienne admitted. 

“So maybe you should approach it like your friendship. Will you be seeing him after this?” 

“Yeah,” Brienne nodded, “I’ve been busy this week so I haven’t even stopped over at the cafe yet, so I’m planning to go over there now and just figure out how to… be… with him.” 

Catelyn wrote something down on her notepad, then set her pen down to look up at Brienne. “When I saw you last you had just gotten together. And I know that you cared a lot for him then, but as you said, everything started out so seriously this week. Have your feelings changed? Is that what’s scared you?”

“I-“ Brienne couldn’t find words. She hadn’t really thought about it. It took her a moment to collect her thoughts, which she was never comfortable doing; it took a long time for her to be comfortable with the silent moments in her counseling sessions. She answered, “I knew he was important to me, like Sansa is, basically since that first time we really talked. I knew that he was someone I’d always want in my life, but-“ She took a breath, “But that night, when I defended Jaime to his father, if felt like he was even more, that he became my family from that point on.” 

“And then when you two were playing with Luna on Sunday, you felt like you were a family there, too?” Catelyn questioned. 

Brienne looked at her hands, “I suppose. I mean, obviously it’s not like Luna’s mine, too, or that I have a place in Jaime’s apartment, but- I guess I wanted that.” Brienne blinked back tears, “I’ve never let myself want anything when it really matters to me, especially with relationships. It’s never been a reality before, but now it is at least sort of in reach and I’m worried that if I get more and more attached that it’ll be harder.” 

“It could be harder,” Catelyn corrected, “if it ends. But it doesn’t seem like either of you would want that to happen.” She met Brienne’s eyes, and Brienne couldn’t look away. “You can’t let that fear rule you. Think it through. Say you and Jaime have a long relationship, but it doesn’t work out in the end. You will still have had the experience of being close and open with someone who you love and trust, and you have the skills you’ve learned throughout counseling to help you through it. You’d be able to handle it, not matter what happens in the future, even if it came to that. And if it doesn’t, then you’ll have a very happy future with Jaime. You just need to make the decision of what’s more important to you, and what’s really best for both you and Jaime.” 

Brienne processed what she’d said; Catelyn was right. While Brienne was unsure of how to move forward with Jaime, she also didn’t dare let herself imagine what it would be like to lose him, because she knew how badly it would hurt, and she knew what that hurt had done to her in the past. But she was no longer the same person, and her reaction wouldn’t be the same. She had grown a lot, and learned a lot from her time with Catelyn. And Jaime… he was worth the risk of getting hurt, and she knew that even if things ended, he would never intentionally hurt her. 

… 

When Brienne still hadn’t shown up 20 minutes after her session should have ended, Jaime started to get worried. He knew something was bothering her, and he’d hoped that talking with Catelyn would help her, or at least help her to find the words to be able to confide in him. He didn’t want to push her to share more than she was willing to, and he knew that she would be open with him when she was ready. 

There weren’t any customers in the shop at the moment, so Jaime waited, scrolling through his phone for new music to play. He settled the Waitress album, remembering that night when they had talked about it, and how it was one of the few musicals Brienne enjoyed. 

While he was anxious, Jaime was pleasantly surprised by the lack of an urge to pick at his skin. He had been worried after last week that it would keep getting worse, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been when he was dealing with his family. Maybe because he knew Brienne, and didn’t have to worry about what she expected of him. She knew who he was, and what his issues were, and cared for him all the same. Somehow, he knew that things would work out with them, despite any bumps along the road. Tyrion would usually call him an idealist, Jaime would rather call it optimism. 

The door opened and Jaime’s head snapped up. There she was, standing in the doorway, smiling at him. It wasn’t the look she usually had after a particularly difficult appointment, and Jaime felt a wave of relief wash over him. 

Feeling more alive at the sight of her, Jaime stepped out from behind the counter and met her in a crushing hug. “I was worried,” Jaime admitted softly into her hair, “I knew something was bothering you this week, and then you were later coming here…” he trailed off and stepped back slightly to look at her. 

Brienne took his hand in hers and led him over to the couch they’d sometime sit at if there were no customers. “I just had to work through some things.” Brienne allowed a small smile to escape her lips, “It seems that you’ve found your way deeper into my heart that I’d dared to admit and I wasn’t really prepared to handle that.” 

Not expecting those words, Jaime couldn’t hold back his huge grin. Brienne continued, “I was scared; with everything that happened this weekend, I wasn’t sure what came next for us. I mean, we haven’t even really been out on a proper date, and I can’t really imagine just ‘dating’ you, it would almost be like a step backwards. Like, yes, going out together would be lovely, but I also just want to spend time with you the way we have been, just being together at home.” It was only a moment after she said it that she realized she’d said ‘home’; not ‘my place or yours’ but just ‘home’. It didn’t really matter which location it was, as long as it was her and Jaime, that feeling would be there; he felt like home. She was going to explain it away, but stopped. She didn’t know if he’d understood what she meant and she didn’t want to scare him away, but now wasn’t the time to hold back. 

“I want that, too,” Jaime held her hand in his, squeezing it. “I know what you mean, we’re not starting from square one. We really know each other, and we’ve already gone through a lot together. There’s no rulebook we need to follow- we get to decide. So let’s just make the rules up as we go and do what feels right.” 

“So what now? What feels right?” Brienne asked, crooking her head at him with a small grin. “I’ll admit I’ve been overthinking this.”

Jaime considered it. He figured that this was worrying Brienne and wanted to make some of the plans to ease that worry for her. “You can come over tonight, if you’d like, and we can have a night in, just the two of us, and Luna, of course. Then, tomorrow or Saturday, or Tomorrow and Saturday, we could go somewhere, get dinner in the city, go to a museum.” 

“That sounds wonderful,” Brienne answered, tension visibly melting from her shoulders. She leaned back against the couch, her shoulder resting against Jaime’s. She admitted, “I just, I never want it to be too much for you. If you need space or time, just please tell me. I’ll be able to handle it.” 

Jaime nodded, though he knew he would never ask for space from her. “You tell me, too. Because, I can promise you, I’ll take any chance I can to be with you.” 

… 

The weeks following went by quickly. A couple of nights a week, Jaime would go to Brienne’s place, or Brienne would go to his, and on the weekends they’d go somewhere together. One weekend they went to dinner with Sansa and Tyrion, during which Jaime told embarrassing stories about Tyrion, Tyrion told them about Jaime, and both Sansa and Tyrion told them about Brienne. It was the most Brienne had laughed in years. 

One Saturday, about a month into their relationship, Jaime surprised Brienne with tickets to see Waitress for that evening. After the show, they went back to Brienne’s place. Jaime confided in Sansa that he had plans for them for the weekend, and she had offered to watch Luna for him. 

Things between them physically were moving forward, though it was never too much for Brienne. If anything, Jaime was moving more slowly than she wanted to; for the first time in her life, Brienne knew for sure that she wanted to be with someone, to be with Jaime, and she didn’t want to wait anymore. She knew why he was careful not to move too fast, and she appreciated that- it almost made her want him more. So now she wanted him to know that is was ok, that she was more than ok and she wanted to be with him. It had taken nearly all of her courage when she had suggested, with a burning blush on her cheeks, that Jaime could sleep over at her place after the show. She wasn’t sure if he knew exactly what she had in mind, but she was hopeful when he agreed, saying it would be a great way to finish the evening. 

When they arrived back at Brienne’s place after the show, even though Brienne had to unlock the door with her key, Jaime insisted on opening the door for her, “After you, mon chou.” 

Brienne laughed. The first time he’d used a term of endearment to refer to her, he’d called her babe. The shock on her face must have inspired him, as he now delighted in calling her a new pet name every couple of days. “Mon chou? French?” 

“Oui,” Jaime answered, closing the door behind them. As she took her shoes off and set her purse on the counter, Jaime stepped behind her, encircling her with his arms. 

Brienne leaned back into him, “And what does it mean?” 

Jaime kissed a trail up her neck and answered when he got to her ear, “My cabbage.” 

“What?” Brienne asked, her tone more confused than surprised. 

“It is an affectionate nickname in France- you can google it!” Jaime defended. 

“Ok, I trust you.” She turned around, tugging at his tie, loosening it enough to slip it over his head. She continued more seriously, “I do trust you, you know.” 

Brienne looked into his eyes, trying to convey what she meant and what she wanted, what she hoped he was ready for as well. Jaime lost himself in the blue, but found all of the answers there he was looking for. No more words needed to be spoken as his lips found hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Alright, so that's that! The next chapter will probablyyyy pick up with the next morning, but who knows if I'll include any little moments from their night. Regardless, the rating of the story won't be changing. I hope you liked the chapter!


	12. now i wake up by your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jaime and the morning after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but a scene that was needed all the same! I hope you enjoy! A huge thank you to my Beta, Braimelives :)

Jaime woke up first, turning from his back to his side, to see Brienne still asleep next to him. She was turned towards him, though her hands were pulled up to her chest, the bed sheet clutched in her hand as she slept. Jaime could feel her body heat under the covers, though only her feet were directly touching his. 

He couldn’t help but adore the way she looked, no line of worry written on her face, her hair piled behind her on the pillow, uncharacteristically messy. The tops of her shoulders peaked out from above the sheet, and he could see the marks that trailed from her neck to her collarbone, the evidence of his affections from the night before. He grinned, imagining her blush when she noticed them. 

Jaime shifted positions, propping his head up onto his hand, his elbow sinking into the mattress. The movement stirred Brienne, her foot moving up his, rubbing against his calf. Jaime moved his other hand to rest on her side, bringing himself a bit closer to her. While he’d been content with their pace so far in their relationship, he was glad they had taken this next step. Not just because of the sex- incredible as it was- but because Brienne took charge and initiated it. She wanted to be closer to him, to have that first experience with him. It meant that she whole-heartedly trusted him, and that made him love her even more- though he hadn’t said it yet. But still, his heart swelled with the idea that she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. He had an idea that this was what she had in mind whenever she asked him to spend the night after the show, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. And now here they were. He’d have to get Sansa a gift to thank her for watching Luna for the weekend. 

“Jaime?” Brienne was looking at him, her blue eyes tired but alert. He snapped out of his train of thought and took in the sight of her. He dropped his hand from his head and moved his other hand from her side up to her cheek, watching the goosebumps rise on her skin as he did so. 

“Good morning.” he said warmly, his thumb tracing the planes of her cheek. 

“What were you thinking about?” Brienne asked him, catching his hand in hers, bringing it to her lips to kiss his palm. 

“You.” 

Brienne’s eyebrows lifted, “What about me?” He could see the insecurity in her eyes, the doubt after last night. 

Jaime moved closer, slipping one hand under the covers to rest on her waist. He tugged a fraction, and leaned towards her, kissing her forehead, “How amazing you are. How great last night was. How lucky I am to be with you.” 

A faint red tinged Brienne’s cheeks as she answered softly, “I’m the lucky one. And last night was amazing.” 

Jaime grinned and kissed her fervently. She met him with a matched amount of passion, a hand moving into his hair, which was probably messier than hers. Jaime began to shift positions, taking the sheet with him as he went, causing Brienne to still. Jaime could feel her body tense in his arms. He pulled away slightly to give her a bit of space. 

“What’s wrong?” Jaime asked, noting the hesitance in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I thought-“ 

“No,” Brienne shook her head, “It’s not that. It’s just… it’s light out now. I’m just worried- you might not like my body as much when you can see it all.” Brienne cast her eyes downward. 

Jaime tilted Brienne’s head up so she was looking into his eyes. He held her gaze as he moved over her, the sheet falling down to his waist, exposing both of their upper bodies. Jaime leaned down, kissing a line from her collarbone to her stomach. He rested his chin there, his hands cupping her thighs as he did so. He looked back up at her. Brienne was propped up on her elbows, looking at him with wonder. 

“I want to see you in the daylight- all of you. I want to memorize your body by sight and by touch. I should have more reason to worry about what you see in the daylight.” While his hands were more scarred by his skin picking, he also had scars on his legs and upper arms. 

“You know those don’t bother me,” Brienne answered, shifting so that her legs hooked around his, pulling herself closer to him as a way of proving that nothing stopped her from wanting him. She took his right hand in hers and lifted it so she could place a kiss over one of the scars there. As Brienne looked at him, she caught the lopsided grin on his face and she understood the irony of what she said. She realized then what he had meant; that he loved body as it was, just as she loved his. “Oh.” 

Jaime pulled himself up to kiss her again. “I love you.” Brienne looked at him, stunned. For a moment she almost thought she misheard him; no one outside of her family had ever said those words to her before. After Ron, she doubted anyone would. Jaime continued, “I’ve loved you since the day you stood up to my father for me. And I’ve fallen more in love with you every day since then. I love that you asked me to stay the night with you, that you trust me that much. I love your eyes,” he kissed the corner of her right eye, “your body,” he kissed her neck, “your heart.” He kissed her chest, pausing so he could feel her heartbeat; it was racing, just as his was. 

“I love you too,” she answered, her voice vibrating into his cheek from her chest. He looked back up at her again, and saw the raw emotion on her face. It wasn’t just a response, she had meant it, too. His smile widened as he wrapped her in his arms, kissing her again and again. 

…

They stayed in bed for a long while after that, only getting up about an hour later to put on pajamas. Brienne had the pair that Jaime had let her borrow that first time she stayed over at his house already folded in the drawer of the nightstand on his side of the bed. While he changed, Brienne made them a simple breakfast of tea and toast with jam, which they ate in the living room, curled up together under a blanket. 

“What time did you tell Sansa you would pick up Luna?” Brienne asked. 

“Sometime this afternoon.” Jaime responded, “We can pick her up together if you’d want to spend some time with her at my place later on.” Brienne loved Luna almost as much as Luna apparently loved Brienne. Anytime Brienne came over to Jaime’s, Luna would beat Jaime to the door, rubbing against Brienne’s leg until she picked her up. 

Brienne smiled, her head against Jaime’s chest, “That sounds lovely.” She added after a moment, “Do you have anything going on next Saturday?” 

Jaime thought for a moment, sipping his tea, “No, just work until 11. Then I’m free. Did you have something in mind?” 

“Pod’s birthday party is on Saturday, I was wondering if you might like to come with me.” Brienne said, a bit hesitantly. She hoped Jaime would want to come, but it was another big step, one that opened more of her world to him. 

“I’d love to go, I’ve heard so much about Pod, he seems like a great kid.” Jaime was honestly looking forward to meeting Pod and seeing Brienne interact with him. He’d always wanted to have kids one day, and while he knew Brienne loved watching Pod, he couldn’t wait to see her with him, and see if that was something she might also want in the future. 

Brienne grinned widely, “Great.” She explained, “It’ll be pretty small, mostly family and a few of his school friends.” After a moment, she added, “My father is also flying in for it.” 

Jaime’s stomach flipped. While he’d heard only good things so far about Selwyn Tarth, interactions with any sort of father figure worried him. And since it was Brienne’s father, he was especially worried, given how important it was to him to make a good first impression. “Did you tell him that you invited me?” He knew that Brienne talked regularly with her father and had mentioned Jaime at least a few times. 

Brienne nodded, “Yes, and he thought it was a great idea. He’s looking forward to meeting you.” At Jaime’s weariness, she placed a hand on his arm, “If it’s too much, that’s ok. But there’s nothing to worry about. My dad is the sweetest man alive. He already approves of you, just because of how happy you make me. He’ll love you even more once he gets to know you.” 

Jaime couldn’t find words, so he just nodded. He couldn’t ignore the spark of hope he felt imagining that Brienne’s father would like him from the start, no preconceived judgements or hostility. He only hoped that Selwyn would be able to see Jaime for who he was, just as Brienne saw him from the start. “Ok then.” Jaime said, nodding to himself, “I am looking forward to meeting him, too. You know I just worry.” 

Brienne patted his cheek before returning her hands to cup her mug, “I know, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that! Next up... Pod's birthday!!! I really can't believe we're so close to the end of this fic; thank you all for all of your support! <3


	13. all's well that ends well to end up with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime meets Brienne's family at Pod's birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second to last chapter! I really can't believe how far this story has come. A HUGE thank you to Braimelives, my wonderful Beta. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Brienne looked over at Jaime as they stood at the end of the driveway, he had stopped their walk, pausing apprehensively. She squeezed the hand she held and placed a light kiss on his cheek, “It’ll be ok, love.” 

Jaime nodded, and continued walking towards the house ahead of them, though at a slower pace. “And you’re sure about the gift?” Jaime’s brows furrowed as he weighed the gift bag in his hand, reconsidering his present to Pod for what seemed to be the hundredth time. 

“Yes, it’s thoughtful and wonderful. No one even expects it of you to bring a gift. It’s sweet, Jaime, and he’ll love it.” Brienne tried to reassure him. 

Based on what Brienne had told him, Jaime knew that Podrick liked crafting and baking. So, Jaime decided to bake him some plain cookies in a few different shapes, and prepared a few jars of icing in various colors. He put them in a gift bag along with some piping bags, sprinkles, and other sugar decorations so that Pod could decorate his own cookies, combing crafting with baking. When Jaime asked Brienne what she thought, he was hesitant- in his family, the gift wasn’t about the thoughtfulness, it was about the price tag. Jaime worried it would seem cheap to her family that he had brought a homemade gift rather than something expensive from a store. Brienne tried to reassure him that it was the thoughtfulness that counted, that Pod would be delighted, but still Jaime worried. While she wanted to help him calm down, it also touched her heart that he was so concerned with making a good first impression on her family. 

Brienne continued, “They’ll all love you, ok? You don’t need to worry about expectations or not being exactly what they want. Be you.” They stopped at the door, and Brienne patted Jaime’s cheek, whispering, “We’re a team,” before opening the door. 

Jaime allowed Brienne to step into the house first, remaining behind her in the entryway as he closed the door. The house was small, but lively. While it wasn’t overly crowded, as there were only 3 cars in the driveway including theirs, voices rang out, filled with laughter. 

“Hello?” Brienne called out. While Jaime was still looking around, a small figure dashed across the room towards them. Jaime’s eyes snapped over to see a small boy plowing into Brienne, who easily scooped him up in her arms. 

“Happy Birthday, Pod!” Brienne exclaimed, her voice brighter as she spoke to the little boy in her arms. Pod threw his arms around her neck for a tight hug, then she set him back down to the ground, squatting beside him to stay at his level. Pod looked over at Jaime, and Brienne followed his movements, “This is my friend Jaime, do you remember when I told you about him?” 

Pod nodded to Brienne then looked up at Jaime, waving shyly. Jaime knelt down and smiled, “Hey, Podrick, happy birthday! How old are you today?” 

Pod, seemingly nervous with a new person around answered silently once again, holding up his hand with all five fingers extended.

“Five! Wow, you’re getting pretty old, aren’t you?” Jaime answered, and Pod responded with a wide smile.

A woman stepped into the hallway that connected the entrance to presumably the living room. She looked over at the three of them. “Brienne!” She held her arms out as she walked over. As Brienne stood up, she was immediately wrapped in a hug. 

Jaime stood up, too, though he stayed standing next to Pod. The woman looked over Brienne’s shoulder, smiling widely. “Hi, I’m Gilly, Pod’s mom and Brienne’s aunt. You must be Jaime.” She crossed the distance between them and wrapped Jaime in a similar hug. 

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you,” Jaime answered, smiling. For a moment he panicked, unsure what he was supposed to say next. 

“Where should we put gifts?” Brienne asked, gesturing to Jaime’s bag with her own small gift. She had gotten Pod a recipe book for kids and a little apron, figuring she would go along with something similar to what Jaime had gotten him. 

“I’ll put them on the kitchen table for now,” Gilly answered, taking Brienne’s gift. She paused at Jaime’s. She smiled, shaking her head slightly, “You didn’t have to get Pod anything, that was very sweet of you.” 

“Oh,” Jaime looked down, “It’s no big deal, just something I thought he might like given what Brienne’s told me about him.” 

Gilly smiled and nudged Brienne with a wink, “Well, she’s told us a lot about you as well. Why don’t you two go into the living room and say hi to everyone while I put these in the kitchen?” 

Brienne nodded, blushing, “I haven’t said that much,” she muttered, but Jaime couldn’t help but grin, reclaiming her hand in his. Brienne looked over at Pod, who was watching Jaime and Brienne with fascination, “Want to lead the way, birthday boy?” 

Pod nodded and took Brienne’s free hand, practically dragging them into the next room. Brienne craned her neck around to smile at Jaime as she jogged to keep up with the little boy. Once they were in the living room, a cozy room with a large sectional couch and a fireplace, Pod let go of Brienne’s hand and ran back to the couch, flopping back into an empty spot. He sat between two men; one of them was much younger, and a bit larger, with a boyish face and a pair of circular glasses that rested on his nose. The other was older, with greying hair, though he had a similar smile on his face as the younger man had. Jaime could immediately tell that this was Brienne’s father. There were only two other people in the room, a young redheaded woman and a small, brown haired girl, similar in age to Pod. However, once Jaime realized who Brienne’s father was, he was able to focus on little else. 

Brienne gave Jaime a reassuring look as they walked into the room. “Hi, everyone,” Brienne looked around the room as they entered. The woman, who held the little girl in her lap, simply looked up and smiled at Brienne. The two men, however, got up from their seats. 

“Uncle Sam,” Brienne hugged the younger man, who was nearly a foot shorter than her. She turned her body slightly towards Jaime to bring focus to him, “This is Jaime.” She looked at Jaime, “Jaime, this is Sam Tarly, Pod’s dad.” 

Sam held out his hand to Jaime and said in a cheery voice, “Nice to meet you, Jaime.” 

When Sam sat back down, Brienne looked over and continued, “And this is my father, Selwyn Tarth.” She looked at Selwyn and wrapped an arm around him in a one-armed hug, “Good to see you, Dad.” 

“You too, Brie.” Selwyn’s voice was warm as he spoke to his daughter, pulling her closer to him to peck her forehead. He kept the same tone as he turned to Jaime, “It’s good to finally meet you, Jaime. I’ve been looking forward to it.” 

Jaime shook Selwyn’s hand, trying to keep the nerves from his voice as he answered, “I have as well. It’s great to meet you, Mr. Tarth.” 

“Please, call me Selwyn.” 

Jaime smiled and nodded, reassured. That was a step in the right direction. Jaime remembered when Cersei brought home her first boyfriend, Oberyn Martell; Tywin had Oberyn address him as Mr. Lannsiter for the whole year that he and Cersei were together. 

As Jaime and Brienne sat down on the couch, Brienne next to her father and Jaime on the other side of her, closer to the red-haired woman, the conversation remained light as Sam and Selwyn questioned Brienne on the updates in her life, habitually asking Jaime a similar question to keep him in the conversation. 

When Brienne mentioned Luna, Pod’s eyes widened, “YOU HAVE A CAT?” 

“Yes,” Jaime chuckled. “Do you like cats?” 

Pod grinned, nodding enthusiastically. “I can’t have one though, Mum’s allergic.” He paused, tilting his head to look at Jaime, “Can I meet Luna?” 

Jaime glanced at Brienne for assurance, then responded, “I’m sure she’d love to meet you sometime.” Pod clapped his hands, delighted. 

The redhead to Jaime’s left chuckled, “That boy and his animals.” She turned to Jaime, “Last time he was over at our house to play with Karsi, he wanted to play with our dog, Ghost, just about the whole time. I’m Ygritte, by the way.” Jaime presumed Karsi was the little girl in her lap. 

“I’m Jaime.” Jaime answered. 

“I know,” Ygritte smiled, knowingly. She laughed, and explained, “Brienne used to occasionally pick up Pod from pre-school when Sam or Gilly couldn’t, and she and I would talk while we waited for Pod and Karsi. My husband Jon and I were trying to set her up with our friend, Tormund, but apparently she wasn’t interested. Now I know why.” 

The name Tormund rang a bell in Jaime’s mind, and Jaime suddenly remembered that first dinner with Brienne, when she joked that she had another date that night with a man named Tormund. He was taken aback, thinking how far they had come since then. Jaime looked at Ygritte and shrugged, “Hope he’s not too disappointed, though I can’t say I’m too sorry.” 

“Well, they never met, but he sure missed out; Brienne’s a great woman.” 

“She sure is,” Jaime grinned. 

Eventually, Gilly called Brienne into the kitchen for help preparing the cake. As Brienne left, Selwyn moved over slightly, turning to speak to Jaime. “So, Brienne told me you own a cafe?” 

Jaime’s heart beat sped up a bit, remembering where this kind of conversation went with his own father. “Um, yes, it’s just a small business, I bought the place about five years ago.” 

“And you enjoy it?” Selwyn asked, which took Jaime by surprise. Why would he care if Jaime enjoyed it? Wouldn’t financial information matter more? That was the kind of thing that could affect a future with Brienne. 

“I do,” Jaime answered honestly, “It took a while to get it to where it is now, but I love going to work every morning knowing that I’ll see some of my regular customers and meet new people, notably Brienne.”

Selwyn nodded approvingly, “That’s good. For a long time, I worked in a field that I had absolutely no interest in. It’s important to be able to enjoy your work; if you aren’t happy, it just ends up affecting all of the other parts of your life, too. I worried about that, when Brienne was growing up. It’s good to know that she’s happy with her work, and you are as well.” 

Jaime didn’t know what to say, he was so taken aback by how Selwyn seemed to get Jaime more than his father did, though he still barely knew the man. 

“Look, Brienne doesn’t tell me much about what’s going on in her life- the two of us aren’t really the best at communication, but she seems a lot happier now, since she’s met you.” He paused, eyeing Jaime carefully, though his eyes still held that warmth in them, “I don’t need to be worried, do I? You seem like a good guy.” 

“I try to be,” Jaime answered honestly, “Mr- Selwyn,” he corrected himself, “I love your daughter and I would never want to hurt her. Getting to know her, to be with her, it’s really changed my life for the better, and I can’t imagine life without her now.” 

“Well, then I’m glad that she has you, Jaime.” Selwyn looked away from Jaime, towards Pod and Karsi, who were playing in the middle of the room with foam swords, “It seems serious between you two, though you’ve only been together for, what, a month?” 

Jaime nodded, “I suppose it hasn’t been that long, though we’ve known each other for a while longer. But… I can’t explain it, really. Both of us, we’ve been through a lot, been through a lot together, even, and I think its made things more clear about what we want and what we need going forward. And it makes me so happy to think that I can be who she needs going forward.” 

“Hmmm,” was all Selwyn could say. Jaime watched as Brienne came back into the room, Pod and Karsi immediately bringing her into their sword fight. Karsi threw another foam sword to Brienne, and she played with them for a bit, feigning injury when Pod tapped her leg with his sword. 

Jaime smiled, and couldn’t help himself as he leaned over to Selwyn and said, “I’m going to marry her one day, if she’ll let me.” 

Selwyn looked at him curiously, and saw the love in Jaime’s eyes as he continued to watch Brienne. “Somehow, I don’t doubt that,” Selwyn shook his head, chuckling. 

“I just hope I have your blessing when that day does come,” Jaime said, his tone shifting. 

Selwyn turned to look at him fully and saw just how serious Jaime was. He knew that Jaime was asking for not just if, but when he asked Brienne to marry him. “Nothing makes me happier than knowing Brienne is happy,” Selwyn answered, “and if she’s happy with you, I would never stand in the way of that.” 

Brienne looked over and smiled, her eyes instantly meeting Jaime’s, an unspoken conversation happening between the two. Selwyn watched the interaction, grateful for the possibility that his little girl would one day have a family of her own with a man who so clearly loved her with all of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! The final chapter will be an epilogue that takes place 8 years later. I'm hoping to post it this weekend, so stay tuned!


	14. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne, 8 years later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly can't believe this story is over. I suppose I'll have some closing thoughts at the end of the chapter, but for now I just want to give a huge huge huge thank you to my Beta, Braimelives. Thank you for all of your input and words of encouragement throughout this story. And thank you for your all of your ideas for the end of this story, you definitely helped me make it what it was. <3

8 years later

“You have my number?” Jaime asked. “And Brie’s? Your Uncle Selwyn’s?” 

“Relax, Jaime,” Brienne chuckled from the other room. 

“Really, Jaime,” Pod said, putting a hand on Jaime’s shoulder, as if to soothe the older man, “We’ll be okay here. I’ve babysat before, remember?” 

Jaime sighed and patted Pod’s arm, “I know, and you’re the best babysitter there is.” Jaime couldn’t believe it had been 8 years since he had babysat Pod for the first time with Brienne. It was right around the time the two had moved in together, only a few months after Pod’s fifth birthday party. Pod spent the whole time at their house playing with Luna, trying to get her to like him. Now here Pod was, a 15-year-old, watching their 3-year-old little girl, Joanna, and Luna, of course, who now loved Pod as much as she loved Jaime and Brienne. 

“Well, things are all good here, you two kids have fun tonight.” Pod smirked as Brienne walked in, fiddling with the clasp on her earring. She was wearing a red, long-sleeved gown, and Jaime had on a dark blue tuxedo. 

“Ready, darling?” She asked. Jaime nodded, and Brienne picked up their daughter for one last goodbye. 

“You’ll be good for Pod, right, Jo?” The little girl in her arms leaned against Brienne’s neck, her blonde curls tickling at Brienne’s face. 

“Yes, Mommmmmyyy,” Jo giggled. 

“And no staying up late, demanding more bedtime stories, right?” Jaime asked, playfully accusing her. Joanna giggled again, tucking her head into Brienne’s neck, peering at Jaime between her curls. Jaime held his hands out and Brienne held Joanna out as the girl wrapped her arms around her father’s neck. 

Jaime kissed the top of her head and then set her back down to the floor, where Joanna promptly started running towards the cat, laughing as she chased Luna. 

Brienne sighed, “Good luck,Pod,” she rolled her eyes lovingly, gesturing at Jaime, “This one decided to give her 3 cookies as an afternoon snack and she’s been bounding off the walls ever since.” 

“She’s my taste-tester! How else are we supposed to get Jo’s Pick of the Week for the cafe?” Jaime asked as he followed Brienne out the door, with a wave and a wink to Pod, who spent his Saturday mornings at the cafe with Jaime as a part-time job to ‘start building his culinary resume’, as he would say. 

The two were headed into the city for a charity event. For the past few years, Jaime had been donating a certain amount of proceeds from his shop to a mental health foundation that focused specifically on body focused repetitive behaviors. He had donated such a large sum this past year that the organization invited him to speak at their annual event. They invited most of their family and friends along as well, though unfortunately the event was in the evening, and well past Joanna’s bed time. 

When they arrived at the event, held in the ballroom of an upscale hotel, they were greeted at their table by the warm and friendly faces of Sansa, Tyrion, Margaery, Robb, and Selwyn. As Jaime looked around the room, however, he saw two unfriendly faces; Tywin and Cersei, who looked anything but happy to be there. Brienne saw Jaime’s face drop and turned to look at what caused his distress. 

“What are they doing here?” 

The rest of the table turned to look, and Tyrion groaned. Jaime sighed and stood up, ready to walk over there. Brienne put a hand on his arm, “You don’t need to go over there, Jaime. It’s your night. I can handle them.” 

Jaime patted Brienne’s hand but pushed his chair in, “It’s alright, love, I can handle it. I just want to see why they’re here.” 

Jaime walked over to Cersei and Tywin and quickly saw how they found out about the event; Brienne had invited Tywin’s business partner, the one who spoke highly of her the one time she and Jaime attended Tywin’s dinner, knowing that he was one of the better lawyers around and would probably be willing to make a large contribution to the cause. He must have mentioned it to Tywin, and Tywin must have contacted the charity about attending, not wanting to be shown up by his business partner, especially when it came to Tywin’s own son. 

“Tywin,” Jaime addressed his father. The last time he had seen him was the day before he married Brienne, which it seemed was the last straw for Tywin, knowing that his son wouldn’t suddenly redirect his life after that. Cersei came to the wedding, though it seemed she was mostly there to complain. At least that’s what Gilly told them afterwards, Jaime didn’t bother to speak to her on the happiest day of his life. He hadn’t seen Cersei since Jo was born- she said that she didn’t want her son Joffrey associating with their child. That was 4 years ago. 

“Hello, Jaime.” Tywin answered. Jaime didn’t miss Tywin’s glance towards the rest of the table, making sure no one was listening in case Jaime lost his cool. 

“Why are you here?” Jaime asked. “Wait, let me rephrase that, I know why you’re here,” Jaime continued, and addressed Tywin’s business partner, “Hi, Davos.” Jaime turned back towards Tywin and said rather loudly, “Were you here to make a donation, Tywin? That’s quite generous of you.” He paused and looked at Cersei, keeping his glare steady as he addressed both of them, “I didn’t know that you cared about mental health. I’ll make sure that the president of our charity know to stop by your table later on.” 

Jaime could see Davos hiding a grin behind his hand. He was always kind to Jaime. 

Tywin stayed silent, though Cersei spoke up, “Where’s Britney?”

“My wife’s name is Brienne and she is sitting at our table with our family members. Tyrion, included. And his wife, in case you missed that he and Sansa got married earlier this year.” 

Cersei looked over at Jaime’s table, her eyes widening, “You can’t seriously have invited Robb Stark? He’s our biggest competitor, you should know better!” 

“He and his wife Margaery are good friends of ours, they’ve been there for us much more than either of you have. Maybe I’ll ask him to stop over here later on, as well- he could probably give you some pointers on keeping the business from going under.” Jaime knew that the Lannister firm had been loosing clients left and right. “I’ll be going back to my table now,” Jaime stepped away, waving at Davos as he left, “Enjoy your evening.” 

Tywin watched as Jaime returned to his table, where Brienne placed a comforting hand on his back, and Jaime spoke happily with Selwyn Tarth, as if there was no tension within the family. It was then that Tywin realized that perhaps Jaime truly no longer viewed Tywin and Cersei as family, just as Tyrion had closed them off. All these years, Tywin thought it was his choice, keeping Jaime out of his life, suddenly it hit differently realizing it was the other way around; it was Jaime choosing to keep them out of his life.

…

The rest of the night went quite smoothly, as Jaime and Brienne enjoyed the company of their family and friends, both of them reflecting on how grateful they were for all of them. Brienne looked over at Cersei and Tywin from time to time, clearly unhappy at their table, and reflected on how much she herself had grown since she first met them. While she knew her own issues and anxiety would never fully go away, she was grateful for what life with Jaime had brought her. It took years, nearly until Jo was born, for Brienne to fully feel confident with Jaime, never worrying about the possibility of him leaving her, of something changing the way he felt about her. She knew now what it meant to be loved unconditionally by someone outside of her immediate family, who cared about her and loved her the way she always wanted to be, and who she loved just as unconditionally. 

Even now, there were moments when her past still stung, and bad memories would come up if someone stared at her too long when she was out in public with Jaime, as if they couldn’t understand how someone as beautiful as he was could end up with someone like her. But those were few and far between. Even when it did happen, she was able to dismiss those thoughts knowing that it didn’t matter what others thought, as long as she and Jaime loved each other.

Brienne had stopped seeing Catelyn regularly a year after Jo was born, finally able to move past those traumas that had kept her stuck for so long and learn how to use the coping skills Catelyn had taught her. Now, she usually only saw Catelyn on occasion, if her anxiety took a turn, or if Catelyn stopped into the cafe on a Saturday morning. 

Brienne looked back at the table, and saw Sansa watching her. Brienne smiled, and Sansa returned the smile warmly, seemingly knowing Brienne’s train of thought. Sansa raised her glass, her other hand resting on top of Tyrion’s “A toast, to our little family. May it continue to grow and strengthen.” 

As everyone clinked their glasses together, Brienne caught Sansa’s eye once again and grinned; she knew Sansa had worded it particularly that way for a reason- Brienne had learned just a few days earlier that she was pregnant, though she was waiting to surprise Jaime with the news after the event tonight. 

Before the end of the evening, Jaime was called up onto the small stage they had set up, to give a speech. “Thank you to everyone who came tonight, it truly means a lot to me that so many of you have supported this cause, one that is very personal to me.” He paused, looking at Brienne for a moment, finding his courage in her loving gaze. 

“My daughter is four years old. A few months ago, as I read her a bedtime story, she ran her tiny fingers over the scars on my hands and arms. She’d seen them before, but this was the first time she really noticed them. She asked me, ‘Daddy, what are those spots?’ I didn’t know how to answer her. As many parenting books I’ve read, and as many mental health books I’ve read, none ever prepared me for how to tell my child that I had a mental illness and not scare or worry her. I looked down at the book we were reading- it was one of her favorites, a story about a brave knight and a dragon. It reminded me of one of the first things my wife told me when she first saw my scars. So, I told my daughter, ‘They’re battle scars.’ I told her that I had my own dragons that I had to face, but they were the invisible kind, which almost made them scarier. But I told her that I had learned how to be brave, and I learned how to face those dragons, with the help of her Mum and all of our friends and family.” Jaime paused to look at his family, his eyes finally meeting Brienne’s, which glistened with tears. 

Jaime continued, “There’s always been such a stigma around mental illness, it makes us afraid to open ourselves up to people, thinking that they aren’t willing to understand what we’re going through. I’m glad my daughter asked me about it that night, because now she’s starting to understand, and we will help her grow up to understand what mental illness is, in the hopes that, whether personally or as a support, she will be able to get through it or help support others. We all have our own battles and our own battle scars, and it’s important that we take the time to understand both ourselves and others so that we all can live our lives to the fullest. I appreciate all of you for taking the time to be here tonight and recognize this one specific battle. It means the world to me.” 

As the crowd applauded, Jaime made his way back to the table, where Brienne was already standing. She crashed into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I love you.” There was more she wanted to say, but for now that was enough; the two of them, in each other’s arms, a team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so that's that! Thank you so much to everyone who stuck around through this story. I can't believe that when I started it, I intended for it to just be a one-shot and it ended up being so much more. Thank you for allowing me to have a space to discuss mental health with characters I love so dearly. Writing this story definitely made me feel better with my own mental health, and I hope reading it has done so for some of you. Your encouragement when I posted the more difficult chapters has definitely made me feel less alone with all of this. Thank you thank you thank you. 
> 
> On another note, now that this story is over, I will definitely be working on finishing my current WIPs, and I also have another story in the works that I can't wait to start sharing. I have the first few chapters written but I want to have more of a solid footing with it and more updates on my other fics before I begin posting it. So stay tuned! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fic. It's one that means a lot to me because I definitely relate to Brienne; the book she is reading is one I am actually currently reading myself. 
> 
> But yeah, I just really wanted a fic where Jaime has been able to get the help he needs and is able to be there for Brienne.


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